Who You Are Is ENOUGH

Dearest Goddesses,

I went to a Pranic Healing Circle last night which was simply amazing. When I walked in I immediately went to the space of – ugh, these people are weird, I don’t belong, and a huge, long, boring story about not fitting in. The facilitator led us through this meditation and I immediately became present to feelings of worthiness or deserving. I have allowed certain circumstances in my life lately to affect my ability to receive, my physical stature, my feelings of worthiness. I made myself feel so small. The second this meditation started, I felt this weight lift off of me and this feeling of deserving embraced me and I felt I deserved not only to receive the benefits of the healing energy last night, but also to participate in giving the healing energy.

I felt like this fits great in this week’s goddess, Isis, representing Mothering. This idea of deserving – love, abundance, intimacy, health, joy, happiness, family – at its core has to do with nurturing, allowing ourselves to be nurtured, acting in a self-nurturing way. As babies we are completely self-expressed. When something wasn’t right, we cried and our needs were met. As we get older, things happen, we make up meaning – usually related to not being good enough – and suddenly it’s not as easy to verbalize our needs or perhaps our caregiver isn’t available in a moment and so we begin questioning our own worthiness in receiving the nurturing we crave.

I was reading through an old notebook and came across this quote – I did not write down the author of the quote or the book that I must have been reading at the time – but I don’t think I can take credit for it…

The question is not why you are so infrequently the people you really want to be. The question is why you so infrequently want to be the people you really are. Because you have no faith that who you are is enough.

I became clear last night, that although it was wonderful to give and receive the healing energies and be around a wonderfully generous community, the power that I felt was already within me – I just needed to access it. And it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility to generate that for me – it was MINE. What was lacking inside of me – this idea of worthiness or deserving was because of MY beliefs, thoughts, etc. We have a choice every day of how we are going to deal with our circumstances – I am grateful for the reminder (for I this is information I already knew) last night that I do deserve all that wonderful bounty the universe has to offer. AND – also something I already knew - those limiting beliefs about not deserving were more than likely what was creating the circumstances in the first place! Ah, the vicious cycle!

Creative Project:

There are so many aspects of mothering that can be explored creatively depending on your needs. For some reason, I am equating mothering or nurturing like a big bear hug – we all need those hugs every once in awhile. The key is being able to ask for those hugs when you need them. SO – I’m going to combine a challenge and a creative project.

Find someone that you feel safe with and ask them for a big healing bear hug. Be present in the hug – allow yourself to receive the healing energies of the hugger. When the hug is complete – make sure you thank the hugger – and take a notebook to write down a list of 20 words or phrases – descriptions, feelings, thoughts – about what was present for you in the hug. Then take those 20 words or phrases and organize them into a poem.

Extra Credit Challenge: Make a request. Really stretch yourself in your feelings of worthiness or deserving and make a request that might be uncomfortable to make. Here is my request:

I would like to request that you all respond to one of my goddess posts at least once a month (pattykennelly@hotmail.com). If something strikes you, or you have a comment, or you don’t understand something, or even if you disagree – let me know at least once a month.

Thank you in advance for considering my request.

Blessings,
Patty

Definitions & Meaning

Dearest goddesses,

I’ve often thought of the words mother, grandmother and the meaning that is attached to those names, words, labels. Sometimes I think the meaning behind those names can create distance from the actual “person” behind the name. Maybe it is through the limited point of view that you grow up with – that feeling that you are the center of the universe.

I remember seeing a television show years ago – I think it might have been Growing Pains and Kirk Cameron was sick and home from school one day watching Gilligan’s Island. He turned off the show and was genuinely shocked when he turned it back on and the “show had gone on”. I think of my own grandmothers and how to a certain extent they weren’t individual people to me – they only existed as my “grandmother”. It wasn’t until they were long gone that I wondered about the women behind the title. What were their hopes, their fears. How did they deal with disappointment. What were their dreams – did they feel they lived those dreams?

I think it is a conscious choice to get to know the people behind the titles. And a choice to let go of the “roles” we tend to fall into when family gets together which tend to just keep that distance and not allow the intimacy and vulnerability needed to see the person.

The goddess of the week was Isis, representing Mothering and I think it is important to look at the definitions that go behind the titles of mother, grandmother, etc. Are there limiting definitions that you need to let go of? To either create intimacy with your mother, grandmother or to break free of limitations that you are experiencing as a mother? As someone who doesn’t have children, I feel the weight of the meaning behind that as well. I actually think there is much more empowering meaning behind motherhood than behind women in their mid-30’s who do not have children, for whatever reason. However – the only way the meaning can affect you is if you are choosing that meaning in your life. (I obviously have some letting go to do!)

Patty’s Challenge: Look at the definitions and meaning that society has given the terms mother and grandmother and also the definitions that you have created. They can be referred to as “shoulds”. Come up with an affirmation that takes the place of those shoulds that empowers you.

Blessings,
Patty

Mothering Ourselves

Dearest Goddesses,

I am happy to be in Isis’s arms this week. Isis represents Mothering – and no matter who you are, I’m sure you could use a little of that unconditional nurturing in your life. I hope you all are lucky enough to have received that kind of nurturing, loving relationship with your mother – or someone who acted as a mother figure. Wiping your tears and kissing it to make it better when you got hurt, or telling you that everything was going to be okay when the hurt wasn’t physical but emotional. Eventually, you got a little too big to sit on mom’s lap and your needs weren’t as easy to meet. I sometimes long for the day of having mom kiss it and know that it was going to be all better!

Alas – it is up to me now to mother myself and make sure I am nurtured, and that I allow myself to receive all of the nurturing that is around me. And since my mommy does not live in easy hugging distance, it is up to me to make sure my needs are met when I need a hug and to be told it’s all going to be okay!

I certainly look forward to embracing Isis and learn what aspects of my life need more mothering, how I can open myself further to mothering and allow others to mother me.

Patty’s Challenge: Read the attachment on Isis – where does mothering need to show up more in your life?

Love & Blessings,
Patty

Isis: Mothering

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto. For more information on their work, please visit the following websites:

Amy Sophia Marashinsky: http://www.amysophia.com/
You can download the meditations included in the ritual suggestions at http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2

Hrana Janto: http://www.hranajanto.com/

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I conceived

carried

and birthed all life

Then, out of my love for you

my children

I gave you my beloved mate, Osiris

Lord of vegetation

God of the grain

to be cut down

and born again

I nursed you through sickness with my healing arts

I made you clothes and invented weaving and spinning

I watched over your first steps

helping you grow from infancy to maturity

I was even there with you

at the end

to hold your hand

and guide you to immortality

You were All

and I gave you all

and to you I was All

Isis, Great Goddess, All Mother

Mythology:

Isis (pronounced eye’sis), also known as Au Set (“exceeding queen”) and Isis Panthea (“Isis the All-Goddess”), was worshipped in many places including Egypt, the Roman empire, Greece and Germany. When her beloved Osiris was killed then dismembered and scattered by her brother Set, Isis searched out the pieces and reassembled them. She found all but his penis, which she replaced with one of gold. Through use of her magic and healing arts she brought Osiris back to life then conceived, through his golden penis, the Sun God Horus. When the temples of Isis were turned into Christian churches, Isis with baby Horus on her lap became the Virgin Mary and Jesus.

Meaning of the Card:

Isis has appeared in your life to tell you it is time for mothering. Have you been giving all your mothering energy away without keeping some for yourself? Have you taken on a new project or just had a new baby? Do you feel that something needs extra mothering, but you aren’t up to it? Did your own mother or caregiver give you the mothering you needed? Isis says that it is important to get the mothering you need in order to heal past wounds. Everyone needs to be mothered, regardless of whether you are a maiden, mother or crone.

Ritual Suggestion: Journey to Isis:
You can download this meditation at the following site for $2.00 http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=69&zenid=c636244961ac59cbabec57082d290766

Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and release it with the sound “ma”. Take another deep breath and let go of all you are holding onto as you sound “ma”. Now take a deep breath and, as you release it see, sense or feel yourself on a smooth clear river in a small boat. It is a warm, sunny day and the boat is rocking you gently back and forth, back and forth. You lie in the boat on soft cushions while the boat carries you along. Allow yourself to surrender to the warmth of the sun and the motion of the boat. The sounds of the water lapping against the boat send you into a blissfully relaxed state. You are now able to ask “where do I need mothering?” You see, feel, or sense a time in your life, past or present, when you needed to be mothered and didn’t receive what you needed. Allow any feelings that come up to be expressed.

The boat drifts into a landing and stops. You sit up. Before you is the Temple of Isis. You get out of the boat and walk up to the Temple. Take off your shoes and enter the Temple. It is dark inside, except for an oil lamp which burns in the entryway. You take the oil lamp and continue into the depths of Isis’s temple. Find a spot where you feel comfortable and put the oil lamp on the ground, then sit before it and call Isis.

Isis appears and asks you what you need. You tell her of the time in your life when you needed mothering and ask her to mother you. Give yourself over to her and take in her divine mothering, till you feel full and satiated. Isis asks you for a gift and you give it to her with an open heart.

When you are ready to leave, thank her. Isis vanishes and you pick up the oil lamp, return it to its place, and leave the temple. The boat is waiting for you. You get back into the boat. The boat drifts into the river and heads back. You drift with it feeling relaxed, revitalized, and at peace. The boat lands on the opposite side of the river. Take a deep breath, release it slowly and, when you feel ready, open your eyes. Welcome back!

Giving Your Power Away

Good Morning Goddesses,

I’ve often thought that often as women, we “give our power away” but I don’t think that’s really the case anymore. I think instead that we simply are not connected to our inner power source and that when you are connected to your power source – “giving your power away” is another aspect of power that can transform the world.

It is when we share ourselves with the people in our lives – and with the world that we truly access our power – because it becomes contagious – like the giggles. Just like love, we shouldn’t keep it just for ourselves. I’ve included an article below which proves that giving makes you rich:

http://www.portfolio.com/views/columns/2007/10/15/Charity-Makes-Wealth

I watched a video on YouTube where Napoleón Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich was describing what he learned from Andrew Carnegie and essentially the belief that “whatever the mind can conceive, you can achieve”. He gives a lesson (I encourage you to listen to it in full detail as I will just give an overview) in which you write down what it is that you want to achieve – be as detailed as possible. And then on another page write what you are willing to give in order to have what you want to achieve and then start giving immediately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GCaEZscfvA

When I’m acting pitiful, John likes to remind me of AIDS Ride Patty. Years ago, John did the Boston to NY AIDS Ride and I volunteered the last day of the race in New York and my job was to collect the bikes from the riders and lead them to a recovery area. I was in a zone – I took the bikes – I congratulated the riders, I told them where their bikes were and told them where they could relax and get snacks while also looking out for John when he came in. I remember the feeling in my body of being connected, having a purpose, helping these riders out – it really was powerful and it had very little to do with me – but I was giving.

Now, if you’re like me, you don’t always know the definition giving from a place of power – which does not mean giving until you are completely depleted and have nothing left. Giving from a place of power means you are connected to your source. Giving from a place of power means that you have and maintain personal boundaries – you’re not just allowing yourself to be a battery that other people feed off of, you know when to say no and you’re not worried about disappointing others. I’ve attached a meditation courtesy of Witch School* on psychic shielding and releasing. It’s important, if you are an energy sponge like me, that you are able to protect yourself.

* I highly recommend www.witchschool.com – for something like $50 you become a lifetime member and are able to take unlimited courses online. You don’t need to be a lifetime member to take courses there either – just sign up and you have access to a level.

Now, on to the creative project…Again, I’ve included a few choices…

A good warm up activity for any of the projects is to listen to or make some music…I always find listening to tribal drumbeats gets me into a powerful zone – it’s hard not to feel that drum in your whole body. (I just put native American pow wow into youtube.com and a bunch of stuff came up.) And if you don’t have anything to listen to – get a pot and a spoon and make your own drum beats! Move your body to the beat of the drum.

If you want the experience of power in your body I recommend the following activity:

In front of a mirror (or if you have a video or digital camera, even better) and as if you were a piece of stone carving away a powerful stance, move your body into that stance (I would suggest doing this with your eyes closed) and then opening your eyes to look at the image in the mirror. This is a great exercise to do if you have someone else to work with – one person acts as the sculptor and one acts as the sculpture – and then take a digital picture of your poses.

For a visual representation of power, I recommend the following activities:

1. With sculpy or modeling clay, make a charm or amulet that represents power that is small enough to fit into your pocket – so you can carry it around to remind you to connect to your inner power. (you can also find a natural object – a rock or a shell that could fit in your pocket)
2. Create a mandala (or color in an existing one – I’ve included a website) that represents power and put this in a prominent place in your home or office to remind you to connect to your power.

http://www.coloringcastle.com/mandala_coloring_pages.html

Enjoy!

Love to you,

Patty

Starting Shitty

Dearest Goddesses,

I suppose since I had ideas other than just sharing myself and my musings with you with this new goddess format (I want to write a book) there is no mistake why it has been so confronting for me – especially my promised creative project point. It’s Thursday – my promised creative project day and my head is scattered.

My dear friend Susan shared something with me that I’d like to share with you. She had met with a friend of hers and were discussing the idea of getting started – taking that first step and her friend said to “start shitty”… Perhaps if we could take that on as a given for starting, we wouldn’t have such an apprehension for what it was going to turn out looking like and we could push through the doubt, fear, insecurity that gets in the way of getting started. And I think this is a good segue into another aspect of power which is asking for help which may require admitting you don’t know it all or telling some “bad news” about yourself!

The truth is, the doubt and fear aren’t going anywhere – by ignoring it and not acknowledging it – it doesn’t make it go away or disappear. But acknowledging it, recognizing it the power that those forces have on you dissipates. By ignoring it, the power of your subconscious will actually create meaning for you and provide you with evidence that your fears and doubts are valid. You have the power to be responsible for your fears and doubts – thank them for sharing – and then do it anyway. Start shitty.

SO – my fear is that I’m not making a difference, that nobody’s interested in doing the creative project or my challenges anyway, so why bother. “And who are you to be writing a book on this, you’re life is a mess.” “You’re not an artist” “You’re not even doing the projects, what makes you think anyone else is?!” Okay – just a little of my negative self talk. I’m not writing this for you to tell me how great I am – although that’s always nice ;) My intention is to hopefully show how we all get stopped by our fears and doubts. Telling on ourselves, asking for help are ways to get through it.

So…I will start shitty and come up with a creative project that I think does Lilith and the inquiry into Power– and I welcome you all to take it on and do it.

Patty’s Challenge: Where can you “start shitty” – where can you tell on yourself or ask for help? Where is fear and doubt stopping you?

Love to you,

Patty

Physical Power

Dearest Goddesses,

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been experiencing this growing discomfort in my tailbone – it hurt to sit. I attributed it mostly to too much sitting and not enough exercise. Although it was annoying – it wasn’t really hindering me in any way - so not much thought went into it. Then last Friday, I was walking and cut the bottom of my foot on the remnants of an old sign post. The cut wasn’t a big deal, but because it was sore and on the bottom of my foot, I started favoring my other leg and my tailbone became more and more uncomfortable. Well, yesterday I must have moved weird and my lower back went out – like a kink I couldn’t crack – which made sitting, walking, laying, really anything, quite uncomfortable. And because I was uncomfortable, I didn’t want to work or talk or do anything really – I got super crabby and was a slug on the couch trying to get comfortable.

It was clear to me the connection my physical body and power. When I feel healthy and pain free, I can more easily connect to my power source. If I happen to be feeling particularly skinny or “hot” then there is no need to connect to my power source – it is clear that it is spilling out of me. If I’m achy or in pain or feeling fat – well it takes much more digging to connect to my power source.

I happen to believe strongly that illness, pain, dis-ease, anything that happens in the body is your body’s way of telling you that there is something that you need to deal with - and the more severe the pain, the more serious the dis-ease, you’re body is saying NOW! I can look at my pain related to what’s going on in my life and there are no surprises.

Louise Hay wrote a fantastic book called You Can Heal Your Life which discusses how our limiting beliefs, if gone unchecked long enough can cause dis-ease and the power of affirmations to change those limiting beliefs and reverse the patterns of dis-ease. In the back has a list of problems, probable causes and a new thought pattern to take on. Let’s look at mine:

Problem: Lower Back Problems

Probable Cause: Fear of Money, lack of Financial Support

New Thought Pattern: I trust the process of life. All I need is always taken care of. I am safe.

Problem: Feet

Probable Cause: Represents our understanding – of ourselves, of life, of others

New Thought Pattern: My understanding is clear, and I am willing to change with the times. I am safe.

Problem: Cuts

Probable Cause: Punishment for not following your own rules

New Thought Pattern: I create a life filled with rewards

My dear friend Nancy SantoPietro wrote an excellent book called Feng Shui and Health, The Anatomy of a Home. Taken a step further – she explores the relationship between dis-ease, the chakras (energy centers within your body) and the feng shui bagua which correlate to different areas of your home which represents different areas of your life. So my discomfort is in the base of my spine which correlates to the first chakra or Survival Center which is represented in the Wealth Corner or gua (pg 217).

SO, I had been thinking that another aspect of power – or of my own definition of power – related to finances (which is connected to the discomfort I am feeling in my body, related to different areas of my home, related to my circumstances, etc.) Everything is interconnected – all junk that we need to deal with that is clogging up our power supply. I suppose the goal is to clear out those clogs so that energy can flow smoothly – through your body, through your home, out into the world. It is up to us to clean up the messes, clean out the clutter that is affecting the flow – we are in control – which brings us back to integrity.

Patty’s Challenge: Inquiry questions: Is there something that your body is trying to tell you? A message that you are not dealing with that is showing up as pain or dis-ease? Where are you feeling blocked or clogged? Where do you keep your physical clutter? What actions can you take (a small step forward is all that is necessary) to clean up your physical and emotional clutter?

Love to you,

Patty