Embracing Fear

Dear Goddesses,

I suppose there is no mistake that last week got away from me since Kali was the next Goddess in line! Ah, fear...Avoid, pretend it's not there, work around it (but not through it) make excuses, justify, etc. It's just exhausting. Kali is here to challenge us, not to frighten us, for many of us have become complacent in our lives, our boxes, our "limitations". Kali will grant you your greatest wish, but you must make a sacrifice in return - it could be free time, or a relationship that isn't working, a secure job...I think with complacency, what we fear the most is the potential mess it would make in our lives - however in the long run, complacency actually creates bigger messes, that one way or another we will be forced to clean up. Many people wait for ugly divorces or disease in order to clean up the messes. What is it that keeps us from living our best life every minute of the day?

I don't know if it's a function of the 30's, but lately I've been feeling this itch that I should "be somewhere." Maybe it's the biological clock thing, maybe nostalgia - that I can relate to things in the past in multiple decades, wondering whether my high school self would be proud of what I have accomplished. I'm not sure where it is that I'm "supposed" to be or what I am comparing my accomplishments (or lack thereof) to - but I am clear that this "itch" doesn't allow me to be completely present in the moment and ends up becoming a distraction to the real change that is possible if I would allow myself to truly be challenged.

Patty's Challenge: What is one area of your life that you are being complacent in? Be willing to take it on and invite Kali in. We can kid ourselves that it's not the right time. I suppose on one hand, the timing is never "perfect" and yet on the other, it always is.

Love to you,
Patty

Kali: Fear

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto. For more information on their work, please visit the following websites:

Amy Sophia Marashinsky: http://www.amysophia.com/
You can download the meditations included in the ritual suggestions at http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2

Hrana Janto: http://www.hranajanto.com/

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I am the dance of death that is behind all life

the ultimate horror

the ultimate ecstasy

I am existence

I am the dance of destruction that will end this world

the timeless void

the formless devouring mouth

I am rebirth

Let me dance you to death

Let me dance you to life

Will you walk through your fears to dance with me?

Will you let me cut off your head

and drink your blood?

then will you cut off mine?

Will you face all the horror

all the pain

all the sorrow

And say “yes”?

I am all that you dread

all that terrifies

I am your fears

will you meet me?

Mythology:

Kali (pronounced kah’lee), the Hindu triple Goddess of creation, preservation and destruction, is the animating force of Shiva, the destroyer (Lord of the Dance). She is the insatiable hunger of time that births then devours. Skulls, cemeteries, and blood are all associated with her worship. Kali’s energy is uncontrollable. After killing two demons, she got drunk on their blood and began dancing on their dead flesh. She danced herself into a frenzy until she realized she almost danced Shiva to death.

Meaning of the Card:

Kali has begun her dance in your life to tell you it is time to face your fears. All that is lurking ominously, either buried deep in your inner darkness or close by, needs to be stared in the eye and brought into the light of consciousness. Are your fears serving you by warning you about dangerous places, things, or people? Or do your fears prevent you from dancing your dance living your life, creating with Creation? Kali comes to tell you that your dance is needed as part of the whole Dance of Creation. Wholeness is nurtured when you reclaim the pieces of yourself that you’ve given over to fear. Most fears are formless. By naming and witnessing the fear, you gain power. Wholeness is created when you learn to acknowledge your fears and walk through them.

Ritual Suggestion: Meeting Your Fear

You can download this meditation at the following site for $3.00 http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=49

Find a time and place when and where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. When you feel ready, take a deep breath and release it, letting everything go. Breathe in and let your body relax. As you breathe out, drop your body like a suit of silk clothes, letting it lie in a pool around you. Place your hand over your heart so that you can feel the rhythm and pulse of your heartbeat. Let the rhythm of your breath slow down as you breathe in and out, listening to your heartbeat. Take a deep breath and, as you exhale, see yourself standing inside your heart. It feels very comfortable.

There is a path behind your heart known as the “hidden path”. Step onto that path. The path takes you up and it takes you down. The path takes you over and it takes s you under. On the path you experience all you need to experience and you see all you need to see. The path begins to climb gradually up, up, up. Now the path has become steep and you are required to climb hand over hand until you reach a ledge. You pull yourself up onto the ledge and slowly stand up.

You are now on the Plain of Vision, where the winds blow cool, clear, and clean – where you can see all you need to see. Take a deep breath and inhale the clarity of the Plain of Vision.

You are now ready to call your fear. You call your fear and it comes. When you meet your fear, ask its name and it will tell you. What does it look like? Notice any feelings you are having and breathe into them. Your fear asks you for something and you give it freely.

It is now time to return. Ask your fear to accompany you and abide by its decision. Take another full, deep breath of the clarity of the Plain of Vision. Return to the ledge and begin the climb down, down, down. The path takes you down and it takes you under. You are feeling refreshed and revitalized, feeling light and buoyant, as you return on the hidden path that lies behind your heart.

You approach your heart and step into it, experiencing the pulsing of your blood. Take a deep breath and, when you exhale, you are back in your body. Take a deep breath and, when you exhale, if ready, open your eyes. Welcome back!

Juicy Words...

Dear Goddesses,

So - I have to share a funny story that I think is PERFECT for our week on sexuality...

I've started teaching these English classes here and grammar has NEVER been my favorite, and the book can get boring, especially for these one on one classes that I'm teaching. So I grabbed this baggie of juicy words that I had made for work with my women's group and my altered book project and I have my students (they're all in their 40's and 50's) pick a juicy word and then give a little impromptu speech about themselves using the word. I play along as well and usually go first to model a speech. So today, Eduardo and I pick our words and I see his eyes perk up and giggle. I figured he got stuffed animals or maybe something girly. So I give my speech on "voice" and it's his turn. His cheeks get bright red and he says that he knows what the word means, but he doesn't know how to use it in a speech about himself. You'll never guess what word he chose...

VAGINA!!!

Oh my gosh, I just about died. Needless to say I let him pick another word!

So, onward to the weekly challenge - and I have a PERFECT creative project...

Patty's Challenge: Taking a cue from the words chosen tonight from myself and my new best pal Eduardo - we are going to give VOICE to VAGINA!

Create your own vagina monologue. What kind of voice would your vagina have? What would your vagina say to the world?? Write it, perform it (share it if you dare!) And for those of you without a vagina - write an homage to one (it can be the one you came from, the one you are hopefully keeping satisfied or the in general vagina).

Have fun!

Love to you,
Patty

"Feeling" Sexy

Dearest Goddesses,

So I was on taking the bus to a class I am currently teaching down here in Costa Rica and I was feeling particularly uncomfortable. It was especially hot and I had on pants that didn't fit quite right and I was wearing real shoes instead of my trusty flip flops and I was just uncomfortable. Being one of the only blondes in the country (it feels like it sometimes) and six feet tall (I'm at least a head taller than the average Costa Rican), I tend to stand out.

Well, yesterday I wasn't really looking for any attention - I was uncomfortable, I was hot, I was feeling fat and I just wanted to get to my destination. The truth was, I wasn't feeling sexy, sexual - hell, not even the least bit attractive. And instead of owning the attention that I did get - as a big beautiful blonde (I went for the alliteration!) it just made me feel more uncomfortable.

Now, I happen to believe that beauty has more to do with state of mind than it does with individual features. I don't think that half of the super models that I see are beautiful - and they are pretty much judged by their features - and I can remember countless times being on the subway in NY and being totally inspired by the confidence in a woman who didn't fit into the beauty checklist. It was that confident state of mind that magnified her beauty. So - when we don't "feel" sexy, pretty, beautiful, deserving - it's really just a trick - a block that we've set up for ourselves. A momentary trick mirror. Not "feeling" it just means that you aren't currently accessing your sexy state of mind.

I talked before about the concept of filling our well - and the truth is we don't need to fill it, because that well inside of us is always flowing - it's simply whether we are plugged in to its abundance. I think it's the same with beauty and sexiness. If you're not "feeling" it, you're simply not plugged in - because accessing your beauty, your sexuality is all about plugging in to that well. It's just a block to keep you from being as powerful (an sexy!) as you were meant to be.

So the next time you aren't "feeling" sexy - think about what you would need to do to plug into what is already within you. It does not require a new wardrobe or hairstyle, etc. I mean, a shower couldn't hurt ;) but whatever you have within you is all you need.

Patty's Challenge: Connect to your inner sexy - whether you're "feeling" it or not.

Love to you,
Patty

Failure to Please

Hello All,

I listened to Jack Canfield's monthly teleseminar today and felt compelled to share his answer to a question that I am definitely struggling with at this time.

The question was related to finishing projects - the person who asked said that she gets about 90% finished and then loses interest and doesn't finish. I certainly can relate, although sometimes I feel like I get 30% there and then quit!!

He said that he integrated an exercise from Werner Erhard who inspired the programs of Landmark Education. Within our first six years, something happens to us and we make the decision "I can't win". (He told a story of when at 3 yrs old he did this great drawing that he was so proud of and showed his parents, who just fawned over the picture - told him how great it was. The next morning, seeing some of his pictures on the refrigerator and knowing that was where good art hangs, he took some magic markers and on the wall next the fridge, started drawing this beautiful picture of the ocean - totally self-expressed...Of course his father finds him using magic markers on the walls and flips out and sends him to his room and in that moment, as a confused 3 year old - he decided that he couldn't win - he obviously didn't have the distinction that the wall wasn't an appropriate place to draw on - he just saw that in one moment creating a picture had made his parents happy and in the next, it had made them miserable.)

So we all have this experience - this time in our lives when we decided "I can't win". And since no one wants to be a loser, we came up with some strategies on how to avoid losing and there are specifically 8 strategies that we use to avoid losing. Be honest and see where you fit!!

1. Don't play. I can't lose if I don't actually play the game.
2. Quit if it gets too hard. Just pick up your ball and go home!
3. Destroy the game. Kids do this all the time in a literal sense. I can remember many a monopoly board all over the place.
4. Keep others from winning. Terrorists, sabotaging someone else's win...
5. Become the problem. If I suddenly need to be cared for, I can keep others from winning and have an excuse to avoid losing.
6. Be perfect. If everything needs to be perfect, then I am constantly stressed about having everything perfect, that even when I do win, I don't.
7. Be the judge. If you are the critic, you don't actually have to make a movie, you can just assess everyone else's movies.
8. Never finish anything. That way I can't be judged.

Patty's Challenge:
To powerfully get beyond these limitations, think back to the earliest time (generally from 0 - 6) that you had the experience of a failure to please. You actually want to get back to that moment, and experience those powerful emotions, reconnect to those feelings and then in that moment, re-decide the outcome. Jack's: "it wasn't about me and that I couldn't win - I realize that my parents were trying to be perfect and so I couldn't please them in that moment, but it didn't have anything to do with me."

I encourage you all to take advantage of Jack Canfield's free teleseminars the first Wednesday of the month - you can register at www.askjackcanfield.com and if you want to hear Jack describe the failure to please exercise, you can access the archives to today's teleseminar for $10 at www.askjackcanfield.com/archives.

Here's to finishing...

Love to you,
Patty

P.S. One other thing that he mentioned which I found fascinating was that there are apparently studies out there that prove that one hour of inner work (visualizing, meditation, affirmations) equals 7 hours of external effort. Just a thought when you are creating your priority/to-do lists...

Sexuality: The beginning

Dearest Goddesses,

When I was in 3rd grade, I fell hard for Brett Reinhard. There's a whole story with a note professing his love to me which I'm pretty convinced Sherri Yearton manufactured, but I fell hard. Suddenly, I was completely aware of the differences between boys and girls (I mean I wasn't mentally challenged or anything - I got the difference, but we all played together - my best friend was the boy down the street) But that distinction changed things for me - I was suddenly very aware of myself and of him and how I felt when I was near him. So when he started holding hands with Melissa, I immediately became aware not only of the differences between boys and girls but also between myself and the girls in my class.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to tell you all about my first crush, but I feel like I mark that moment in 3rd grade with my growing awareness of myself as a sexual being - not related specifically to sex. I think that moment also marked for me a betrayal I felt at not being "chosen" by Brett - regardless of the author of the note - he didn't pick me and so, I suppose there must have been something that didn't measure up. And I guess since then, I've always been trying to measure up (or find evidence for "not" measuring up...)

I guess the point is that there is inevitably junk from the past that ends up defining not only our personality and perspective on the world, but also our sexuality and our relationship to sexuality. I really think it's key to clean out those crevices and heal old wounds so that we are fully expressed as sexual beings.

Patty's Challenge: What are your first memories that have defined your sexuality? Are they positive? Negative? Is there someone you need to forgive? Can you just be willing to forgive? How can you transform that memory into something that will support you? For the only meaning that memories have for you is the meaning that you give to it.

Love to you,
Patty

P.S. If you haven't already, drop me a line and let me know how you like the Daily Goddess Blog. I'd love to hear from you.

Connecting to your Power

Dearest Goddesses,

I love that Freya follows the juicy wild woman of Baba Yaga – for what is more perfect than looking at the issue of sexuality after meeting our wild woman?!

If you haven’t picked up Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts it is a perfect read this week. The book is fun and certainly juicy. (For those married women, she has a book called Mama Gena’s Marriage Manual) Although the premise is really to attract the relationship you are looking for (or spicing up the relationship you are in) the means to this end is finding your own pleasure and connecting to your sexuality. Being connected to your sexuality is being connected to your power and when you are connected you can make anything happen.

Patty’s Challenge:

As practice, I will offer as my challenge, an exercise from Mama Gena’s Owner’s and Operator’s Guide to Men:

“Find a guy you are not in the least bit attracted to. In a safe circumstance, allow yourself to be turned on, in his presence, just for your own benefit. Just sit near him and then start feeling your pussy. Notice things that you do find attractive about him. Could be his skin color, the sound of his voice, or his hair. Why is Mama putting you through this kind of kooky torture? I want you to understand, through experience, that turn-on or chemistry or attraction is your business, not his business. You are the desire and the object of desire, all rolled into one hot little package. I want you to see how you have your hand on the wheel of your own turn-on and how it is totally and completely up to you. Then, I want you to share this experience with your Sister Goddess girlfriends. And that is the end of the assignment. You do not have to date this man, or even be friends with this man. It was just an experience of your power for your research and development.”

Now I will admit, this week’s goddess happens to be very female centered – the meditation from the Goddess Oracle can easily be modified for men – but I don’t think that the challenge above would work for men. I think, ultimately, that men are very tuned into their sexuality – I think a good challenge would be to tune into the sexuality of a woman in your life – and if there is no woman in your life, then how can you make a woman feel truly beautiful? (and no, whistling at them on the street is not effective.)

And, for those of you ladies who have absolutely no interest in attracting a man…just connect to your power – remember, the object is not important.

HAVE FUN!

Love to you,

Patty