Perception - some insights...

Dearest Goddesses,

Hopefully you all had a chance to do the perception exercise. If you haven't - do it now (it's only like 5 mins) and you can get to it by clicking here.

I think that perception plays a HUGE role in our experience of the world, our world and the people and events that happen in our world. Regardless of what you saw or didn't see, you can't underestimate the power of perception. I just wanted to share a few of my insights from the video:

1. When you are committed to seeing something a certain way - there are definitely some things that you're going to miss. If you go through life, like most people do, trying to be right, make other people wrong or avoid being made wrong (which is just another way of being right!) then of course your perception is going to be clouded. Experiences and people will fit into your world view and very often you will miss key things.

2. Most people who see this DO NOT see the most obvious thing. Knowing that can help us be more responsible in our communication and not make assumptions that everyone sees the same thing that we do. I heard of this activity at a seminar where the facilitator held up a piece of paper and asked the group what color the paper was. Green everyone shouted - but the leader said, I see yellow. But it is clearly green the audience argued - some people getting quite heated. I see yellow, the leader replied. This back and forth went on for a few more minutes and then the leader turned the paper over (to the side that they were looking at) and, sure enough, the other side of the paper was yellow. I see yellow. I also found it interesting that the leader used the words "I see yellow" and not "The paper is yellow" and yet what most people in the audience heard (since they were arguing so defensively) was that the paper was yellow.

3. I happened to see the obvious thing in the video - but not all of it. I was pretty surprised to see the extent of what I did miss. John didn't see it at all. It would be very easy for me to make this mean that I am more percetive than he is (even though of course it is true ;). But I would be fooling myself. We are all attached to our own stuff - which is what the exercise is about. I am AWESOME at giving advice and seeing where everyone else is stuck, but it isn't so easy to see it in my own life. I think that is true for most of us.

4. I consider myself to be very open minded and respectful about people's beliefs, etc. but there is of course a line in my comfort zone of beliefs and when that line is crossed, I can be pretty judgemental. I guess I have a problem when things are presented as TRUTH. Most of the time, but not all, this is based on some religious fundamentalism. I tend to close myself off and am not able to "hear" what they have to say - or "hear" it through my perception and file it away under crazy. I am curious to hear the end of the presentation in the video, because the facilitator specifically refers to science - and the tendency of science to be so focused in what they are looking for that they may also miss the most obvious. (For what I think is a great discourse between science and religion, check out Carl Sagan's book Contact - the movie barely scratches the surface). Think of how different the world would be if we all put down our version of TRUTH?

In honor of Rhiannon - keep questioning - especially question what it is that you might not be seeing.

Love to you,
Patty

What might you be missing

Dearest Goddesses,

This was forwarded to me and simply amazing. Because I don't want to give anything away, I am not really going to talk about it - but I think it is a lesson we should all learn from. The Power of Perception...

http://transformationteam.net/video/perceptual_experiment_tc

Enjoy,
Patty

Inner Critic / Inner Coach

Dearest Goddesses,

I did this exercise over the weekend inspired by something in Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles. I found it VERY helpful and encourage you all to do it!! I will paraphrase the exercise and share my own work below...

Let's try something on...we all know about that inner voice - the one constantly assessing and judging (yes, it's that one...). What if that voice that nagged and told you how stupid you were earlier was really just looking out for you and wanted the best for you? It might change the way you interacted with that little voice... Well take this on as a possibility. Think of a time when you were punished for something that you did - let's say running out into the street without looking both ways. So your mom or dad FREAKS out, runs after you, maybe you get a spanking or a time out or sent to your room to think about it. It is possible that your parent or guardian said something like "what were you thinking? I can't believe you did that. Get into your room and think about what you did for a minute." Now if you analyzed that statement - and TRULY got to the root of what your parent was trying to say or where he/she was coming from it would be a place of love, right? I was so afraid for you, please make sure you look both ways when you go out in the street, I love you so much I don't know what I'd do if you were taken from me. Just like your parent, who in the moment didn't express their love for you and perhaps only expressed the anger - your inner voice is the same way - it's just not as evolved and doesn't yet know how to powerfully communicate with you.

So the transformation was from anger to fear to a request to ultimately love. If you take a regular conversation that your inner critic may have with you at any given time during the day and then come from a place of anger, then express the fear, then come up with the requests (must be specific) and then come from love, you can actually transform that negative inner conversation with something positive. I did it over the weekend and it was really great and I'll share it with you below.

First come up with your negative self talk. Write it down...

My negative self talk:

You never finish anything you start.
You are lazy.
You have 1001 excuses why you aren't/can't be successful
You need to put yourself out there and do something in the world for yourself.
You rely on John too much and are constantly in his shadow.

Then, angrily express that negative self talk.

Anger:

I am so angry that you haven't made more of your life - you are so lazy - always filled with excuses about why you can't, can't, can't! You never finish what you start and are all talk and no action. You rely on John to do "it" for you or use him as an excuse not to. You're pathetic.

Next, express the fear behind the self-talk.

Fear:

I'm afraid that you're going to wake up one day and you're going to be 75 and you're going to wonder what your life was for. I'm afraid that you'll have a bunch of could haves. I just don't want you to regret a moment of this life.

Next, write out the requests that are behind the self-talk. Use - I want...

Requests:

I want you to start promoting your blog and sending out your writing samples to start getting noticed. I want you to get a business plan together and get it started. I want you to start inviting people to participate in your community network and begin to generate excitement around the idea. I want you to empower and enroll the people in your life to support you to make this happen and have specific goals and results in mind. I want you to attend at least one networking event a week. I want you to quit your job at Pro Language and focus your time and attention finding something that utilizes your talent. I want you to set up a supportive space in your house for creation and I want you to think of how you can do an online WE group.

Finally - express the love that is ultimately behind this negative self-talk.

Love:

You are one of the most powerful people you have encountered. You have a gift and I've seen it in action. You deserve your own happiness, your own success, your own money. YOu are brilliant, loving and creative and other people deserve to receive the gifts you have to give. I want you to be happy and fulfilled.

Going through this exercise and actually writing it out was SOOOOO helpful for me. Because I really struggle with making decisions and actually considering my needs and not everyone else's in my life - I was able to get to the core of a lot of things that have been going on for me and get that this self-talk really did have my best interest in mind! If you know that it is coming from a place of love, the next time you find yourself being berated after an event about how you could have done it better - simply ask what the advice is - "I know you're just trying to make it better for the next time - I did my best today - what suggestions do you have for me?" And then WRITE THEM DOWN!!

I'm QUEEN of reading about great exercises and not doing them - and then even writing about them to you for you to do them (but still not doing them myself!!!) What I'm getting is that it only works if you work it. Try the exercise. You might just learning something about yourself.

Love to you.
Patty

Rhiannon - Doubt

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto. For more information on their work, please visit the following websites:

Amy Sophia Marashinsky: http://www.amysophia.com/
You can download the meditations included in the ritual suggestions at http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2

Hrana Janto: http://www.hranajanto.com/

___________________________________________________________________

I wasn’t certain
after all, my face had blood on it
all fingers pointed to me
could I have killed him?
my infant son
my own
in my sleep
I was accused
and found guilty
and I doubted myself
for seven long years
I played horse to my lord husband Pwyll’s guests
carrying them into court
carrying them out again
and the times were many when I doubted myself
doubted along with all the other humans
that because I was from the Other World
anything was possible

Mythology:

The Wels horse Goddess of the Underworld – Rigatona, or Great Queen – Was Rhiannon’s (pronounced ree-ah’nin) original name. Her story was reduced to something of a fairytale, just as her name was changed from Great Queen. Though not human, she married Pwyll, a mortal, and bore him a son who disappeared at birth. The attendant maids smeared the blood of a puppy on Rhannon’s face and accused her of eating her child. Rhiannon was sentenced to carry all her husband’s guests on her back. When her son reappeared after seven years, all lived happily ever after.

Meaning of the Card:

Rhiannon gallops into your life to tell you how to work with doubt. To doubt someone or something when your instincts are giving you warning signals is healthy. To spend time doubting yourself is self-negating and not very helpful. The best way of working with self-doubt is to turn it into self-questioning. Self-doubt leads you nowhere. Self-questioning gives you answers. Do you get stuck in doubt and let it turn your optimism into despair, your confidence into low self-esteem, your vitality into sluggishness and procrastination? Does doubt align itself with your fears to keep you from succeeding? Do the doubts of others shipwreck your dreamboat? Perhaps when the outside world is concerned you need to exercise a bit more skepticism, rather than trusting blindly. Rhiannon tells you not to let doubt erode your sacred self. Allow yourself to question rather than doubt so that you can gain the answers you need to continue on your path to wholeness.

Ritual Suggestion: Doubt Alchemy
You can download this meditation at the following site for $3.50

http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=59

Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and release it slowly. Take another deep breath and exhale all your stress and tension through your nose, as if you were a whale spouting water. Take another deep breath and, as you release it see, sense, or feel a tree. It can be a tree you are familiar with or one that exists only in your imagination. Take a deep breath and, as you release it, stand in front of the tree. Reach out and feel the bark of the tree. What do the leaves look like? Now allow your body to turn to water and let yourself rain into the earth. Feel yourself being absorbed into the roots of your tree.

Now you are traveling down, down, down, deeper and deeper and deeper. It feels safe and comfortable, warm and cozy, as you go down, down, down. Feeling more and more relaxed as you go deeper and deeper and deeper. You see a rider on a white horse. It is Rhiannon and you ask her to stop. She stops, dismounts, and walks up to you. You tell her you need her help to transform your doubts and she agrees to help you. You tell her your first doubt and she puts it into the form of a question. You answer the question, then tell her your second doubt and so on until you have given Rhiannon all your doubts and she has transformed them all into questions, which you have answered. You thank her for her help and she asks you for a gift. You give her what she asks for with an open heart. Rhiannon then mounts her horse and gallops away as you return to the tree root.

Entering the root you travel up, up, up, feeling confident, secure and clear. Up, up, up, feeling energized, refreshed, balanced. Your each the trunk of the tree and pop out of a branch, landing on the ground in front of the tree. Take a deep breath and, as you exhale, come back into your body. Take another deep breath and, as you exhale, open your eyes. Welcome back!

Guilty Stagnation

Dearest Goddesses,

Apparently somewhere along my life’s journey, I decided that it was up to me to make sure that everyone was taken care of. And when someone isn’t taken care of - regardless of my ability to control the situation – I feel guilty. And when in the process of making sure I am taken care of, someone’s needs aren’t met – I feel even more guilty.

Yesterday John and I were out of the office at several meetings. We had a conference call with a group from the US and because we would be out of the office, we weren’t able to make international calls and requested that our partners conference us in. At 11am, we had pulled over and were waiting for their call. It became clear that they weren’t going to conference us in (they also apparently have difficulty calling internationally.) After about a minute of frustration and crankiness, John was over it – but I couldn’t seem to stop obsessing. I started thinking of all the things that we coulda, woulda, shoulda done differently to make sure that we were on the call. After awhile or realizing that I was the only one at the table obsessing (and this has been something I’ve been trying to actively investigate lately) I asked John what was up – why was he calm and collected and I was obsessing (it wasn’t even my call!!)?

He said simply “it all boils down to confidence. When I was in the shower this morning I made a decision that this meeting across town was not one that I should miss and I decided then that I wouldn’t be in the house to be able to make the call and I requested that my partners conference me in. If they decide not to conference me in, then it means that they didn’t need me on the call afterwards – or that I can fill in some blanks at a later time – or perhaps they’ll reschedule the call.” Duh…??!!! But in living it – it’s definitely not that easy for me.

I suppose that it goes back to that issue of guilt…I happened to be carrying around Jack Canfield’s book and looked Guilt up in the index and it showed up in a chapter titled “Transform your inner critic into an inner coach”:

“Guilt happens when you think words such as should, must, ought to or have to. Here are a few examples: I ought to spend more time studying for my bar exam…I should spend more time at home with my kids…I have to exercise more. As soon as we feel like we should do something, we create an internal resistance to doing it.

“You will be more effective if you replace guilt-tripping with phrases such as I want to…It supports my goals to…It would be smart to…It’s in my best interest to…Guilt is never productive. It will stand in the way of achieving your goals. So get rid of this emotional barrier to success.”

This whole idea of making sure others are taken care of regardless of how it leaves me reminds me of an article I read a few years ago about parents who put their children’s needs above their own or their spouse. Ultimately when you continue to do that – what is left to “give” to your children is less than because you are depleted. You are actually jipping your kids of your full self when you put their needs ahead of your own. They went on to say that it should be Self – Partner/Spouse – Kids. (Obviously if your kid has a pencil sticking out of his neck or something and it happens to be during your meditation time…you know what I’m saying…;)

Anywho…I’ll leave you with a quote and a challenge:

I will not should on myself today
Seen on a poster

Love to you,

Patty

Increase the Flow

Dearest Goddesses,

I really enjoy Jack Canfield's monthly seminars - mostly because they're free - but in all seriousness - I get out of my head and he always has the most unique perspective on questions.

One question today was about clutter and how to get rid of it.

Clutter essentially represents something that is incomplete or an unmade decision. For most of us, we can just look at our desks (or cars, or closets...) Things get piled up instead of what Jack called - the 3 D's - Delegated, Decided or Dumped. It is our BELIEFS that keep the clutter in place. Beliefs about lack and scarcity can have us hold on tight to our possessions and our clutter. Or how about "I don't know enough"?? That one hit me! Piles of books, magazines, articles to read - it all becomes a distraction, keeping us from truly being successful. (on any given day you can find 3 open books on my desk of things that if I only read, I'll have this insight that will help me get started...!!

Think of energy like a river - or blood through our veins. If that flow gets interrupted - the river stops flowing, the blood stops flowing and there is the possibility of disease or death. The same is true for energy - and clutter is like a blood clot, blocking the flow (of life force, of ideas, of new opportunities or new things.)

We have so much in our lives these days that keep us distracted and keep us from not being present. Email, voicemail, Facebook, Myspace, television, the news...When do we just be??Imagine sitting in a silent, empty room - alone with your thoughts - now think of yourself at your desk - do you have the space to think?

In addition to connecting with the belief that is keeping your clutter in place and the incompletes that you are allowing to distract you (try delegating, deciding or dumping), here are some practical clutter clearing applications:

1. The MTO Approach (Minimum, Target, Outrageous). Think of a task and then write down three milestones. For instance, de-cluttering your garage: Minimum - Spend 1 hour going through the toolbox; Target - Spend 5 hours organizing the boxes; Outrageous - Take everything out of the garage, scrub the floors, paint the walls, go through every box and put it all back neatly. Because you have it all written down ahead of time, the momentum you create in getting started could lead to the Outrageous!
2. For everything you bring into the house, let two things go. If you go out and buy a book, give two books away.
3. Schedule the time to go through your clutter space instead of waiting for "someday".
4. Get a partner to challenge you. YOU are ATTACHED. They are not.
5. Enroll people to help you sell stuff on Ebay, or a garage sale or get stuff fixed that is broken.
6. Get boxes and as you are organizing, write whatever you place in a box onto an inventory sheet so that if you need something, you don't have to dig through the box, you can simply refer to the inventory sheet. If at the end of a year, you haven't looked in a box - let it go.
7. Acknowledge that you wear 20% of your clothes about 80% of the time. You don't have to keep that shirt that never fit right or the outdated shoes.
8. Ask the questions: "Why am I keeping this?" and "Can I replace it?"
9. Check out the book Organizing From the Inside Out by Julie Morganstern.

Happy de-cluttering!!

Love to you,
Patty

To Say or Not to Say? That is the question...

Dearest Goddesses,

I've always wanted to be one of those people who rarely opened her mouth, but when she did the room was so silent a pin could drop. Instead, I find myself tripping over what I want to say, not being clear and fighting to be heard in some of the most mundane conversations. I also wish I had the power to tell people off that leaves them feeling reproached, but grateful for it.

I was with John and our friend Antonio the other day and we came across a house for rent and decided to go check it out. The landlord lived next door and as we got out of the car and we introduced ourselves, she looked at Antonio (who is Dominican) and asked if he was our taxi driver. I was embarrassed for her - because, really - does it matter? John was quick to say - no, Antonio is a great friend of ours, and she replied Oh, well most people become friends with their taxi drivers. In that moment, I knew that there was no way in hell that I was ever going to give this woman any money, let alone be subjected to her as a neighbor. I wanted to tell her off right there - say - hey, thanks for your time, but you've just offended a dear friend of mine - once as perhaps a stereotypical mistake, but the second time?? We're not going to rent from you - have a nice life. Instead, I went along with the little tour of her house and although she didn't say anything as offensive, she was just not likeable. What is WORSE was that I was so aware of my disdain, that I began overcompensating and being overly generous in my communications with her - almost being accomodating.

I really suffer over delivering communications with people - I become way too concerned with how the message will land, how the other person is going to feel, taking the time to stand in the other person's shoes. I either don't want to be confrontational, or I don't want to sound petty. Ultimately, I want to make sure the other person is taken care of, to the extent that my world is not taken care of.

It seems like those people (in the movies) who are thoughtfully listened to respond to problems with quotes or riddles. Perhaps I need to study my quotes or lines from the Bible or something. Maybe I'll start to speak like Yoda.

I suppose it would be appropriate to end with a quote:

Abraham Lincoln once said "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

Love to you,
Patty