Yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. For those of you who celebrated with us in Montauk thank you again! I definitely wished I was back there yesterday!
So today I thought about all the things that I’ve learned after 4 years of marriage and thought I’d share them with you:
It’s so much more fun to laugh at ourselves and each other than stay mad over something stupid.
Both of us participate in every fight we may have, therefore both are responsible. Asking where can I be responsible is more productive than focusing on what a jerk he might be.
It’s totally okay to go to bed angry. Sleeping on it usually gives some perspective and the spontaneous cuddles throughout the night reminds you of all the warmth.
Communication – no matter how messy – is 100% better than silence.
Sometimes you don’t have to open your mouth and comment.
It’s not up to me to “change” him, but it is definitely up to me to see him in his greatness, even when he’s not being great, or I’m not being great.
What seems like the “end of the relationship argument” can quickly turn into love if I let it.
Every mess can be cleaned up.
It’s up to me to make sure I’m living my best life, it’s not up to him.
It’s up to me to communicate my needs, wants, desires, etc. It’s not up to him to anticipate them or to read my mind.
It’s better just to remind him about anniversaries and birthdays – whether he remembers does not determine it’s importance to him or how much he loves you.
Communicate expectations so they don’t create upset.
It’s a lot of fun to go through life with someone you can laugh with.
Through adversity you can realize that you married your true love which makes the good times all the more sweet.
I’m so grateful for this week’s goddess – Eostre/Growth. I am ready!!! I am coming out of this period of stagnation and lethargy and I am so ready to make things happen.
I’ve read that it takes 3 days to get over food addictions and I woke up for my fourth day without sugar, bread or caffeine bright eyed! Not quite bushy tailed yet since I’m having trouble figuring out what I want to focus my energy on. I like to use the term “channel your energy” – especially with John and I really need to be open to some clarity in finding my direction (and not just follow the whim of the day).
I thought I’d share an observation with you this morning and hope for your feedback. I’ve been living in a beautiful house in a fairly undesirable area of San Jose. I’m really working on attracting a nice house with a beautiful backyard where my dogs can come and go freely. Now, I need to take them out for walks several times a day. And because of my country gal (who won’t go to the bathroom on anything but grass) and I’ve sort of got slim pickins in the grass department. So anyway – my old dog Wilma is about 13 years old and in tough shape. She is slow and hobbles – but loves going out for the walks. The other two want to get “there” as fast as they can (sounds like me!) and so Wilma trails behind us, sometimes at quite a distance. Well over the 5 months we’ve lived here, people are constantly slapping Wilma and a little girl actually poured soda on her head! I mean, this is a poor old dog!
So this morning, John and I were walking and sure enough a homeless man slapped Wilma on the butt. John immediately got in his face (she’s our girl!) and as John walked away, the man didn’t look after him with a sense of shame or upset but like he couldn’t believe John had the audacity to call him out over a “dog”. I was angry, I said – why, why would they put their hands on her? And he said something interesting – well, it’s survival of the fittest. People see something weak and they have to go after it. I suppose that could be why people LOVE watching the news which is filled with doom and gloom, I suppose that’s why they LOVE the gossip magazines – if we can see failure in someone else – somehow it makes us feel better? And yet, there’s the flipside – people who go out of their way to protect the weak and while there are the jerks who put their hands on Wilma or pour soda on her head, there are also the people I’ve noticed who see an old dog walking and say – pobresita, esta gorda (fat) and chat me up about the poor, old, fat dog.
In the book A Complaint Free World, William Bowen tells this story about how he lives on a curve and people tend to drive too fast and one day a man in a pickup hit his dog and just kept on driving. He was so angry at this man that he immediately got in his car and followed him, convinced that when he saw him he would kill the man. He followed him all the way to his house and William pulled into the driveway, got out of the car and said “you hit my dog!” And the man replied, “yeah, so – what are you going to do about it?” He was so floored by this man’s reaction, his lack of remorse and he rethought the idea of getting into a fist fight and headed back to his house to bring his dog to the vet and be with his family. He struggled and struggled for days with the reaction of this man and finally realized that this man must be in so much pain not to be able to feel remorse for a dead dog. Suddenly, he was filled with compassion for this man and wished him well.
The Germanic Goddess of fertility, agriculture and spring, Eostre (pronounced yo’ster) or Eastre, was celebrated with the ritual lighting of dawn fires as a protection for the crops.She symbolizes springtime, new growth and rebirth.Once, when the Goddess was late in coming, a little girl found a bird close to death from the cold and turned to Eostre for help.A rainbow bridge appeared and Esotre came, clothed in her red robe of warm, vibrant sunlight which melted the snows.Spring arrived.Because the little bird was wounded beyond repair, Eostre changed it into snow hare who then brought rainbow eggs.As a sign of spring, Eostre instructed the little girl to watch for the snow hare to come to the woods.
Meaning of the Card:
Eostre comes into your life with her springtime message of personal growth.It is time to open to things in your life that facilitate growth, development, evolution.Is there a class or workshop you’ve been wondering if you should take?Do it now!Is there something new that you want to include in your life?Let it in now!Have you just gone through a period of stagnation and lethargy where nothing seemed to be happening?Let it go!Now is the time for growth.Eostre says that wholeness is nurtured when you embrace experiences, risks, and occasions that cause you to stretch.The stretching promotes your growth.
Ritual Suggestion: Growth
Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. Take in a deep breath to the count of six, hold for sex, and exhale for six. Do this three times.Let a feeling of relaxation and well-being spread through your body. Now choose a plant.It can be a plant you know well or one you imagine, a cultivated plant of a wild one. You are the seed of this plant, and you have just been placed in the ground by human hands, animal feet or the breath of the wind. You have been asleep, held in a state of suspended animation until conditions were right for you to begin your cycle of growth. Now it is time for you to wake up and grow. You tingle and vibrate as you begin to expand.Your movement and expansion cause you to break gently out of your hull. You can now begin taking in what you need for your growth.
You drink in moisture for the earth and draw in all that nourishes you.You only take in what you really need and you know what you need. First you develop roots.Those roots travel downward into the earth, both to anchor you an to search for what you need to continue your growth. Now you begin to expand upward, responding to the light and warmth of the sun and you send up your first green leaves. More warmth and light from the sun pulls you up and out. More water and nutrients from the earth, and you grow and create more leaves and deeper roots. As the conditions around d you continue t nurture you, you and your environment continue the weaving dance of taking in and expanding out, breathing in and breathing out, as you continue to unfold and become exactly who you are.
Stay with that feeling, sense, or image of breathing in – taking in what you need – and breathing out – expanding and growing – for as long as is appropriate for you. Now take a deep breath and release it slowly coming back into your human body. When you feel ready, open your eyes.Welcome back!
I feel sort of like I'm running through mud these past few days - not sure where I'm going, but just know that I want to get out! But it's not like it's been in the past, where it's been all about struggle and feeling down - I've got this itch that I can't scratch, this feeling of discontent. I heard that whenever Tony Robbins feels that itch, that discontent, he gets excited because he knows that change is coming and with change comes breakthrough. I'm trying to change my lenses and be excited for the journey, excited for the transformation, instead of focusing on the discomfort of not knowing.
The discomfort caused me to get my paints out - which was a good thing. I went in to lay down because my body felt sluggish, but my mind was all over the place. I had this intense vision of being in my grandparent's backyard - looking onto the porch, swinging on the hammock, feeling the breeze on my face. I felt like I wanted to recreate that vision - to be on that hammock, to feel that breeze, to be carefree. I put paintbrush to paper, I drew a line and immediately got cranky because I knew that what was in my head would not be accurately represented on the paper. So I titled the work "The afternoon of my discontent" and it turned out pretty interesting. I suppose if you just let the paintbrush go it will create what needs to be created and our thoughts and visions of how it should look are just roadblocks that get in the way. For if it is already perfect in my head to begin with - what's the use of trying to create it all over again? I'll always have the memory.
So here's to the discomfort - may it always be like the Emperor Moth whose discomfort and struggle brings forth beautiful wings. I will await change excitedly...(or try to at least!)
I would like to dedicate today in honor of my parents who are celebrating 37 years of marriage today!
I was just sitting staring at a blank screen thinking of what I wanted tos ay when I picked up a journal I keep the quotes I like and opened it randomly to see what might jump out at me to get my thoughts jumping.
“I am no longer afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my own ship.”
- Louisa May Alcott
This is definitely something I am relating to these days and trying to take action around it, instead of playing the tired victim or martyr role. This morning was a perfect example. I like my relaxed morning routine. John and I wake up, go walk the dogs, make cappuccinos, make breakfast and start the day. This morning we woke up late and he had a conference call that he needed to prepare for. I immediately went into crank mode (“why didn’t you prepare last night, wah, wah, wah…”) and then I shifted. I decided that I’d have all of the things that I wanted this morning despite the lack of John time (it’s hard to get his attention when the computer is in front of him!). So – I walked the dogs, found a new health store that just opened up around the corner from us, made coffee, made pancakes (they weren’t as good as Johns, but…) and by the time breakfast was on the table, John was done with his call and suggesting that we get out of the house at lunch today to go to the park to have a picnic lunch and review some goals.
While this is a very simple example of sailing my own ship – it’s the little moments that can sometimes be the most significant. And since one of my main challenges is waiting (for others to…do it for me, do it with me, give me permission, give me approval, tell me how great I am, take care of me) the little steps are important. The more I wait, the more the rest of the world is sailing my ship.
Take one step today toward sailing your own ship and tell me what came out of it!!
Love to you, Patty
P.S. I have started an online version of WE: Women Empowered Through Creativity and Reflection and I am just loving it. If any of you are interested in participating, please let me know and I will send you all of the logistical information.
Vila (pronounced vee’lah) is the eastern European name for the Goddess energy moving through the earth as nature. Vily (plural) are very protective of their terrain and use their arrows of death on those who trespass. They are consummate shape-shifters, able to change into animals such as snakes, swans, falcons, and horses. They love to play and dance.If contacted in the forest on a moonlit night, they might grant health, wealth, abundant crops or they might, if shown disrespect, dance the offender to death.
Meaning of the Card
Vila has come dancing into your life in her many forms to teach you to nourish wholeness by learning to shape-shift. Have you been too long in one form?Are you feeling stiff and stagnant, losing flexibility in your way of thinking and being? Or perhaps you feel that the human is the most important being in creation – that the rocks, trees, animals, earth, et cetera, are lesser forms. It is time to expand your awareness, to enhance your flexibility by getting the perspective of other forms. Vila says the way to wholeness lies in experiencing the whole of creation.
Ritual Suggestion:Shape-Shifting the Elements
Select a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Stand, sit or lie comfortably with your back straight and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and release it slowly, letting everything go with it. Take ea deep breath into your womb, through your vagina.Feel the air fill your womb and then exit through your vagina. Keep breathing into your womb.
Stand facing the east and visualize, feel, sense the element air in whatever form you choose:a warm summer breeze, a windy March day. When you have a clear sense of the air, breathe it into your womb until your womb becomes the air. Let the air spread through your whole body, so that your body dissolves and you are the air. Allow yourself to experience oneness with the air until you are ready to move on. Then let the airy sensation recede into your womb and finally leave your body completely.
Facing south, get a strong sense, visual image, or feeling of fire.Is it a bonfire or a flickering candle?A forest fire or hearth fire? Focus on your image, then take it into your womb so that your womb becomes the fire. Let the fire gradually spread through your body so that you dissolve into the fire. Stay with the experience of being fire until it is time for you to return. Let the fire recede until it is only in your womb, then et the fire go completely.
Face the west and the element water.Sense, see or feel a running stream, a calm clear pond, the immensity and power of the ocean, or a glass of water and focus on it. Then breathe it into your womb so that your womb becomes the water. Let it spread to the rest of your body so that your body dissolves and you become the water. Enjoy the experience of being water until you feel it is time to return. Gradually let the water recede until it is only in your womb, then release the water completely.
Face the north and the element earth.Choose the image, sense, or feeling of earth that is appropriate for you – the mountains, jungle, forest, desert – and focus on it. Breathe it into your womb until your womb becomes one with the earth.Let the earth spread throughout your body until your body dissolves and you are the earth. Stay with that experience until you are ready to return.Gradually let the earth recede from your body until the earth is only in your womb, then release the earth completely. Take a deep breath and open your eyes.Welcome back to your human form.
I never realized the sheer genius of the title of Terry McMillan’s book Waiting to Exhale until recently when I actually had the feeling like it had been weeks since I had really exhaled. I’ve had the feeling of holding my breath in anticipation for months now. I went to my tried and true guide Living with Joy by Sanaya Roman and I flipped it open to a chapter on clarity.
When we are faced with change or feelings of uncertainty we tend to lose our perspective on the big picture and only focus on the immediate situation. When we keep our perspective, when we look at our life as one long story instead of a series of disjointed chapters, suddenly the “crisis” that we are facing in chapter 157 becomes the baseline for the tremendous epiphany in chapter 163.(I suppose if my life were like a James Patterson book, I’d already be on chapter 1063 at least…)
But seriously – think about a time in your life when you faced a tremendous challenge – one of those “end of the world” bits. Although you still may look back on that as a difficult time in your life or still think it was unfair, etc. the truth is you survived.It wasn’t the end of the world – and chances are, if we truly look back on the situation, it turned out for the best or provided a needed learning experience or simply proved the old adage that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
I’ll share a bit of an excerpt from Living With Joy with you now:
“Achieving clarity involves seeing the larger picture, a longer time frame, a bigger perspective. The larger your view, the clearer you can be…If you are willing to look at yourself as a whole, you can begin t find different levels of clarity around the present moment. It does not mean you need to know the form or where you are going. It means that the larger the picture you hold of who you are, the clearer you can be. If you were to go into the future and look back at today, you could gain a new perspective of who you are, for clarity is brought about by the changing of perspective. Most of you have certain ways you think, certain habits and patterns. Every time you break free and find a new way of thinking, you increase clarity. Clarity is not something that you reach and have from then on. It is an ongoing refinement of your picture.”
I read a quote today on a friend’s facebook page and really connected to it and so I think I will leave it with you today:
'When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step into the darkness, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen...There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.'
