Fighting Against What Is

Dearest Goddesses,

Talk about standing in your own way and giving yourself permission to be successful. I´ve been feeling a bit displaced here in Atlanta. While I didn´t have a TON of friends in Costa Rica, I was VERY lucky to connect with a few awesome likeminded people that I loved being with. I haven´t really had that opportunity / given myself that chance here in Atlanta and I find myself comparing every experience to the past. While I worked with some very wonderful ladies, I didn´t develop close relationships with them where I would want to hang out beyond work and I wasn´t really meeting anyone outside of work – other than the occasional person introduced to me by John. I couldn´t help but CRAVE (desperately) what feels like a once in a lifetime connection that I felt for the people I worked with at Legacy. (Ladies – can we please get together somewhere in the world and start a new school?!!) And of course wanting to get back to New York to be with my world back there. BUT – simply a change in location is not going to be what I need exactly to fulfill me. That´s got to come from within. And trying to recreate past experiences is just a disaster of unfulfillable expectations that I´d rather not experience.

So, in the spirit of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young and the song Love The One You´re With, I have decided to start loving Atlanta – and since I know that Atlanta is loveable, it´s up to me. Just as I´ve been focusing lately on reasons why it might not be the place for me long term, I can instead, choose to love it. I can´t help but be reminded of the three lessons that the Brigadier General had for me that day.

1. Give yourself permission
   
2. Adapt for success (it hasn´t looked the way I wanted it to look and I haven´t found my Legacy or WE with powerful, creative women)
   
3. Fail Forward – get out there, talk to people instead of waiting for new friends to coming knocking on my door.
   

Now, I have a VERY EXCITING announcement to make. My gloriously gifted, talented, creative, inspirational friend Rowena Murillo has FINALLY opened her Etsy shop and is selling her AMAZING art series called Flying Girl. You will be floored at how connected you are to just about every one of her paintings. And FINALLY she is allowing us to purchase them from her! I was lucky enough to order some prints for some loved ones for Christmas and was so impressed with the quality of the prints. They were simply fantastic. Go visit her new shop and pick out some gifts for your friends and family – you will NOT be disappointed. Besides the fact that they are TOTALLY UNDERPRICED at only $18 a print right now. I´m so excited that her work can finally be shared with the world! And I noticed that a lot of the prints available on etsy are new ones I haven´t seen before – so be sure to check out her blog for more of Flying Girl…www.warriorgirl.blogspot.com.

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6493421

Challenge: Where are you holding on to how you think things should look? Where are you killing off present happiness by comparing your experiences to the past? Where can you give yourself permission to succeed in the here and now and allow yourself to adapt instead of fighting against what is?

Love to you,
Patty

The Erinyes - Crisis

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto. For more information on their work, please visit the following websites:

Amy Sophia Marashinsky: http://www.amysophia.com/
You can download the meditations included in the ritual suggestions at http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2

Hrana Janto: http://www.hranajanto.com/

We snap you

crack you

flapjack you

We are that wild chaotic place

that sharp edge

the point that activates your fears

the point of no return

the point where anything can happen

We always demand your death

or complete surrender

you can´t get beyond us

around us

or over us

you must meet us and go through us

We are the cosmic steamroller

the place of greatest opportunity

We are crisis.

Mythology

The Erinyes (pronounced eh-rin'yees) were the forces of retribution personified as three immortal dark maiden Goddesses. They took revenge and punished anyone who killed their kin in matriarchal pre-Hellenic Greece. In poet Aeschylus´s play, The Oresteia, Orestes – the son of Clytemnestra and Agamemnon – kills his mother, thus enraging the Erinyes who go after him. When his trial results in a deadlock, Athene, Goddess of Wisdom, is called on to cast the deciding vote. Her vote sets Orestes free from ay punishment for the matricide. The Erinyes, unappeased, demand vengeance. Athene consoles them with promises of special rituals in their honor. They are then renamed the Eumenides, or kindly ones.

Meaning of the Card

The Erinyes are howling after you because you and/or a loved one are in crisis. The way to nurture wholeness for you now lies in reaching out and asking for help. Whether it is from the human, animal, or spiritual kingdoms, help is required at this juncture of excess, psyche-breaking stress, and instability. Identify and name the kind of crisis you are in. If your crisis is psychological, call a crisis hot line or make an appointment with a healer of psyches. If your crisis is financial or job-related, seek financial assistance or find a career counselor. If it involves your health, visit a health-care practitioner. It is vital for you to get the help and support you need, for you are not in a place where you can help yourself. Do something. Or ask a friend or loved one to do it for you. Crisis in your life also brings the experience of crisis into the lives of your loved ones. Don't blame yourself or try to take care of them. Be selfish. Deal with your crisis and let them deal with theirs. The Erinyes say all crisis are accelerated growth/transformation points that bring opportunities. However, before you get to the opportunity, you must get through the crisis, and for that you must reach out for help.

Ritual Suggestion: The Cocoon

Click the link below to download the meditation for The Erinyes for $.75

http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=40

The time to do this is now, wherever you are. No time to look for perfect conditions. Use this ritual suggestion to give yourself some breathing space while dancing with your crisis. There is no limit to the number of times you can do the Cocoon.

You can sit or stand anywhere. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and release it gently. Sense, feel, or see a cocoon being built around you of the most nurturing and comforting materials. Do you like silk or cotton flannel? Does lambswool or a blanket of your favorite flowers soothe you? It could even be a cocoon of rosy pink light or your favorite soothing sounds. Once you have wrapped that cocoon around you, fill it with the love of those who care about you. You can also include animals, plants, stones, the Goddess, trees, the sky, the universe.

Once your cocoon is filled, allow yourself to take the love and comfort of your cocoon into every cell in your body. Feel yourself handing over to the Goddess the challenge that overwhelms you. Feel the comforting sensation as she takes the challenge from you. Keep breathing in the comfort of your cocoon until you feel full. When ready, take a deep breath and exhale gently, open your eyes, and come ot of the cocoon. Or you may prefer to stay in while you go about your tasks in the world. Remember if you leave it, you can always come right back by taking a deep breath and sensing, feeling or seeing your cocoon around you.

Pity Party Hangover

Dearest Goddesses,

Well, I am a bit hungover for the week long pity party that I had for myself. It was quite the blowout!

I suppose at times like those, it’s best to reach out to people, let them in, ask for help. I just know that if I open my mouth, I might start to whine and I would rather not subject anyone to that. So, you’re welcome ;) But although I wasn’t prepared to put myself out there and feel like a fraud, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to share with you.

Today, I thought I’d share an insight that I got from my tried and true – Living with Joy by Sanaya Roman. It really was perfect for me, and maybe it will ring true for you as well.

Are you willing to believe in ideas of abundance, of validating the inner world, and of learning to grow through joy?

Starting with your own past, think of a time in which something happened you did not understand. Now, as you look back as an adult, as an older, more mature self, you can understand precisely why you drew that incident to you and what you learned from it. You can see as you look back with the larger picture in mind that when you did not get what you thought you wanted, thee was a reason for not having it. Perhaps not having it changed your life path. Maybe having it would have held you back in some way, or maybe it was something you wanted from a smaller, less evolved part of you. As you look back with your memories, reviewing past relationships and career paths (even those you are still in but letting go of), see how they served you. What you have now would not be possible without those experiences. You cannot leave something until you love it. The more you hate something the more bound you are to it, and the more you love it the freer you are. So as you love your past, you are free from it.

When you can think of your childhood and your parents and know that they were perfect for the path you are on, you are then free of the effects of your past. You can believe that you chose your parents, relationships, and careers so that you could be where you are now. As you change your negative memories into positive understanding, you can go even faster into your new future.

You can release the past by loving it.

Every time you think of a bad memory that makes you feel sorry for yourself, or bad about how you acted, or makes you see yourself as a victim, or makes you hold a negative picture of yourself, Stop! See what good you created from that experience. It may be that you learned so much from it you never again brought that kind of behaviour back into your life. It may be that because of that situation, you changed your path. It may have brought you an important connection or helped develop new qualities and personality traits. You may have served and helped many people in that job. Your parents may have developed your strength, or your inner will, by creating obstacles for you. People who want to develop muscles, for instance, may use weights to push against. Your parents may have acted as a “weight” for you to push against to develop your inner strength. Everything in your past happened for your good. If you could believe that the universe is friendly, that it is always helping you to create your highest good, you could live a life of more peace and security.

Look at your present time existence. If you wish to see the larger picture you can sit and imagine that you are going into the future. If you are facing a new challenge, one for which you have not yet acquired the necessary skills, imagine yourself going into the future and uniting with your future self, drawing to you the knowledge that future self holds. It may not come into your conscious awareness until the moment you need it, but the energy and knowledge your future, for from that perspective it would be much simpler to know what to do today. You could even imagine you are that future self and talk to your self of today from that future perspective. You could make things up, telling yourself why you are going through what you are experiencing and affirming to your present self the rightness of everything that is happening. Your future self is real and separated from you only by time. It can talk to you and help you know what to do right now, how to get where you want to go even more quickly.

This rang quite true for me and what I’m going through and made it clear that “hating” my present isn’t going to change it – it simply binds me to it even stronger. And it just isn’t any fun.

I will send this week’s goddess tomorrow –as this has been a lot of typing. Think about her though: Minerva: Beliefs.

Love to you,
Patty

The Mighty Atom

Dearest Goddesses,

So, John is reading this really great book called A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson and he’s been sharing some snippets which are just mind boggling. For me, science has never been easy – but I feel like the bits that John has shared with me has taught me more than all my science classes and has certainly lit a fire under John to want to study Physics!

Below is an excerpt from the book in the chapter called The Mighty Atom:

The basic working arrangement of atoms is the molecule (from the Latin for “little mass”). A molecule is simply two or more atoms working together in a more or less stable arrangement: add two atoms of hydrogen to one of oxygen and you have a molecule of water. Chemists tend to think in terms of molecules rather than elements in much the way that writers tend to think in terms of words and not letters, so it is molecules they count, and these are numerous to say the least. At sea level, at a temperature of 32 degrees Fahrenheit, one cubic centimetre of air (that is, a space about the size of a sugar cube) will contain 45 billion billion molecules. And they are in every single cubic centimetre you see around you. Think how many cubic centimetres there are in the world outside your window – how many sugar cubes it would take to fill that view. Then think how many it would take to build a universe. Atoms, in short, are very abundant.

They are also fantastically durable. Because they are so long lived, atoms really get around. Every atom you possess has almost certainly passed through several stars and been part of millions of organisms on its way to becoming you. We are each so atomically numerous and so vigorously recycled at death that a significant number of our atoms – up to a billion for each of us, it has been suggested – probably once belonged to Shakespeare. A billion more each came from Buddha and Genghis Khan and Beethoven, and any other historical figure you care to name. (The personages have to be historical, apparently, as it takes the atoms some decades to become thoroughly redistributed; however much you may wish it, you are not yet one with Elvis Presley.)

So what does this mean? Well I took two major points away from these two amazing paragraphs:

1. The same atoms that made up some of the greatest people in our history are a part of me. That I’ve travelled through stars and tree leaves and volcano lava – all that is within me – within us! So when I feel like I’m not good enough, all I need to do is think about the greatness that is within me – of the historical greatness. And when you think that DaVinci had more talent in the fingernail of his right thumb than you do? Well – maybe, just maybe you actually are made up of the atoms that made up DaVinci’s thumbnail!! Ha!
2. That the atoms that are a part of me are a part of the same atoms that make up the guy across the street, the bum that sleeps on the side of my house, of my best friend, of the co-worker that drives me crazy, of Barack Obama, of George Bush! A part of what makes me up – also lives inside of everyone. We’re related, we’re one. What differentiates friend from enemy; family from foe is simply our experience, our stories.

I happened upon a site from an old student of mine and it was of a step dance performance from Bard College - really fun to watch - and I usually never take the time to read any comments - but for some reason I did last night and was just appalled. There was only comments about how fat the girls were and the racial makeup of the group. I just think if we all took the time to celebrate successes rather than finding ways to create distance - it might just be easier to be the great human beings we already are.

Phew! Very cool stuff. If you have a chance to check out the movie What The Bleep Do We Know, it puts a lot of the concepts of Quantum Physics into an edible form.

Don’t be afraid of the deep end!

Love to you,
Patty

Hide & Seek

Dearest Goddesses,

I feel like I've been forcing these posts lately - like I don't really have anything to say. I know that it is mostly a function of my hiding - from life, from love, from being creative. I just figured I'd tell on myself. The truth is, hiding is no fun unless it's part of a game and people are actively looking to find you. I like to play hide and seek - only I don't really tell anyone that I'm playing and then get sad when nobody seeks me! Ah, if only everyone could read my mind. In order to really be sought, you've got to be out there, not hiding.

This reminds me of something I read recently - where if you have the belief that people that you smile at on the street smile back - you will subconsciously only choose to smile at the people who will smile back at you. If you have the belief that nobody smiles on the street - you will choose to smile at people who don't smile back. If I'm hiding and believe that nobody will seek me - no matter how "out there" I am, I find that nobody actively seeks me and when I get over myself and am open to receive - then I find that I am pleasantly surprised. It doesn't always work - and I think that has more to do with my openness and my expectations. But hiding only makes me feel more lonely.

Well, I am willing to get out of my turtle shell and receive. I suppose telling on ourselves is the first step. If you've been hiding, like me, how can you tell on yourself? Where might you need to ask to be sought?

Love to you,
Patty

Changing Woman: Cycles

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle, copyright 1997, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto.

______________________________________________________________________________________

I am what comes round again and again

what can never die

I renew myself in the seasons

in the cycle of time

the great round

I bleed yet do not die

I keep my blood within and become wise

I dance the spiral

and keep changing

Mythology:

Changing Woman, or Estsanatlehi (self-renewing one) – as she is called by the Navajo and Apache – can change her age merely by walking into the horizon. White Shell Woman and Turquoise Woman are among her many names, which correspond to the changing colors of her dress as the seasons change. The Navajo say that she was found by Coyote, after being born of Darkness and Dawn on Spruce Mountain, with a blanket of clouds and rainbows, secured in her cradleboard by lightning and sunbeams. Her gifts to the people are the Blessingway ceremonies, the seasons and food.

Meaning of the Card:

Changing Woman comes spinning into your life to tell you the way to wholeness for you lies in learning to honor your cycles. Menstrual cycles are an important aspect of being female. We bleed but do not die, and therefore can bring forth life. As we continue to dance our cycles, we reach the time of menopause when we leave our childbearing years behind and hold our wise blood within. We can then be a resource for our loved ones and community by becoming hags, which means “women of wisdom.”

Do you celebrate your menstruation and view it as a time for you to go within? As a time to let go, let die, so the new can come? Or have you bought into the patriarchal view that it is a curse, something unclean, something to be hidden away? Does menopause automatically fill you with fear of becoming old and ugly, no longer valuable and worthy in a culture that adores youth? Do you feel invalidated in a society that urges women to hide their bleeding times, regulate their hormones by taking pills and postpone menopause through ERT (estrogen replacement therapy)?

Honoring your cycles also means honoring your own unique process, your own unique path in life. You may be in the midst of a particular life cycle that you need to surrender to and honor. Changing Woman says that wholeness is nurtured when we reclaim the power of our cycles by paying attention to them and celebrating them. By celebrating our cycles, we celebrate ourselves as women.

Ritual Suggestion: Celebrating Your Cycles

Find a time and a place where and when you will not be disturbed. Sit, stand, or lie comfortably and identify the cycle you are in. You may choose to find or make a symbol of your present cycle. Cast a circle by calling in (speaking to the elements and asking them to be present) or by becoming the elements (see Vila, Shape Shifting) If you are using a symbol, place that symbol in the center of your circle. Walk around the outside of your circle and fill the inside of the circle with respect and honoring. You could fill it by putting on your favorite dance music and dancing around the circle, thinking or chanting, “I love my cycles, I love being a woman”. You could drum or play a musical instrument. You can do anything that celebrates you and your cycles. Be sure to notice if any feelings come up and allow yourself to express them.

Continue until you feel the energy in the circle is strong, then step in and breathe it deep into your cells. Lie, sit or stand in the circle, whatever is comfortable for you. Let the celebratory energy you have built up nourish you to the very core of your body/mind/spirit. Feel its healing power reweave the torn wounded places inside. F eel yourself as a woman, proud to be a woman, proud to bleed, proud to hold your wise blood within, proud to be in the midst of whatever cycle you are in. When you feel full, give thanks to Changing Woman, to yourself, to your womanhood. Step out of the circle. Release what you have called in. Welcome Back!

Hunger Pangs

Dearest Goddesses,

I've always been a snacker and I really never discriminated (discrimination is not nice, you know!!). Salt, sweet... I went for it all. And the more that was in front of me, the more that I ate, regardless of hunger.

Well, I shared how I was off the caffeine and sugar and breads - well I've been doing the Adkins diet and really doing well. It just became clear to me one day that I was not a "once in awhile" indulger. If it was in the house - perhaps I could make it to a once every few hours indulger - but really, if it was in the house, it had a voice and it knew how to SCREAM my name!

So I gave it all up, cold turkey. After that initial physical withdrawal slump, I've had so much more energy, my nails have grown stronger, I'm losing weight and I'm not hungry. I find that I eat when I'm hungry, I drink when I'm thirsty and I'm eating healthy proteins and veggies and will begin to take on some grains in the next week or so. Physically I feel great.

I read Anthony Keidis's book Scar Tissue - he is the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Really great book. He's suffered with serious addiction most of his life and at one point he talked about being "dry drunk" where he was dry - he wasn't drinking or doing drugs, but he wasn't actively dealing with his addictions and it was kind of like walking a balance beam all the time. I can't help but feel that way around food! I'm not hungry, I'm not craving anything specific - but I MISS the snacking. I miss the munching, crunching sweetness of snacking!

I was in the grocery store the other day - and the grocery stores down here, while they really offer a lot of the things that you can find in the states - there is simply not the selection. So there are no Atkins bars to choose from, etc. or the low carb snack foods - which, I think is a blessing (otherwise, I'm sure I'd convince myself that I could eat just one!) But I walked up and down the aisles longingly - not really craving anything - but knowing I was craving something! And can probably assert that that something has very little to do with food. And for now - the complete limitation is helping me recognize this desire simply to feed.

Well tonight, we happened to look through the Atkins book and found a recipe for ice cream! MY FAVORITE!!! So we made it and while it is still not completely frozen, John and I talked about entering the danger zone. Can we limit ourselves to the 1/2 cup serving? I suppose this is our big test...

What are you hungry for?

Love to you,
Patty

Tether Ball

Dearest Goddesses,

I was watching my dogs on their walk today struggling against the tether of their leashes. I had to yell at Ginny twice because she saw something in the road and wanted to chase after it. Poor girl - all she wants to do is play and run and chase and bite and discover...I couldn't help but feel intimately related to my dogs in that moment. Only instead of a real collar and leash not letting me run here and there and keeping me on a particular path - I've got my pretend leash on of my own design - and I almost think it's more confining than the real thing would be.

I once did this teleseminar by Jack Canfield discussing the power of your environments. They had looked at the phenomenon of people who leave personal development training all lit up only to go back into their lives and the "high" that they had felt walking out of the room slowly disappeared into just another great idea. Landmark Education teaches something similar - about transforming your communities - as the different communities in your life represents different environments. Feng Shui asserts that your physical environment represents different areas of your life and your body - more about your environment.

Rather than one tether of my own design keeping me at a certain reach - I feel like I've got about a dozen tethers of different shapes, sizes and lengths and depending on my relationship with a certain environment/community/feng shui gua dictates my range of motion. And as much as 11/12 of my environments are running smoothly - if I've neglected or avoided one area, that short tether will begin to affect the rest of my world.

In one of Sanaya Roman's books, I'm not sure which, she talked about identifying the essence of what it is that you want. If you want a new house - what does that new house represent for you? Security, freedom, power, expansion... Get in tune with the essence and start bringing that essence into your life now. You may find that the house comes easier - or you may find that you are perfectly comfortably where you are - you just needed to be open to the essence.

I think of the walk with my dogs today and this feeling of being tethered by my environments and I think of what I want to create and I know the essence is freedom. It's time to invite freedom in and I bet my environments transform in an instant.

Love to you,
Patty

Focus Don't Fret

Dearest Goddesses,

I was lucky enough to be able to take advantage of Eric Maisel's offer for free creativity coaching for his coaches in training and I'm working with Theresa over the past few weeks. Well the past few weeks I've felt like I've been having a quarter life crisis or something. Perhaps it's the location of the planets, or my 35th birthday, or my current environment or circumstances. This is not an "I want to be 21 again" at all - but more what have I done with the time I've had and what do I want to do moving forward. I shared my frustration with Theresa and she had this great response that I wanted to share with you.

"On those "big-bad-big-question" days, as I call 'em, I gotta just sit down, be still, and ask myself...what will it be TODAY? Focusing instead of fretting seems to help me best through those days. "

Focus don't fret. Choose something. It doesn't have to be the "right" something, it doesn't have to be what gets you on Oprah or is your million dollar idea, just focus, don't fret.

Focus has always been hard for me. Like making a choice on a diner menu - there is so much out there, so much to choose from, so much I'm interested in - how could I possibly focus on only ONE thing? And I suppose what I've been having the most trouble with is defining what it is I can offer people - what is my calling and instead of focusing on one thing - I fret and fret and instead notice where I am lacking in each area of my life, where I'm not qualified, where I don't have support, etc.

So this week, I focus on me - who I am for people, what I am on this earth to contribute - I welcome your feedback (who I am for you - how you see me in the world) And I welcome you on this same inquiry with me. Let us enjoy the warm fires of Brigid inspiring us this week (make sure you check her out!)

Remember - focus don't fret.

Love to you,
Patty

Brigid: Inspiration

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle, copyright 1997, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto.
_____________________________________________________________________

Let me come to you

Through the mists

Through the fire

Through the plants

Through the deep flowing wells

With ideas

Visions

Words

Music beyond the tips of your ears

Let me move you

Enliven you

Stimulate you

Till your perspective shifts

And your mind/body/spirit explodes

And you are left standing

In the wake of what has been revealed…

And life feels very sweet

Mythology

Brigid (pronounced bridg’id), which means “bright”, is a Celtic triple Goddess of fire the fire of inspiration, smithcraft, poetry, healing and divination. Her inspiration was vital to the bards (poets) who called upon her freely. Legend says that Brigid was born with a flame reaching out from the top of her head, connecting her with the universe. The new (Christian) and the old (pagan) Brigid were merged into St. Brigid in A.D. 450. St. Brigid, daughter of a druid, was a goldsmith and a healer. Nineteen priestesses/nuns guard her sacred fire in Kildare, Ireland. On the twentieth of each month, it is said she appears and tends it herself.

Meaning of the Card

Brigid comes to ignite you with inspiration. Are you feeling a lack of direction? Motivation? Energy? Has your path gone out of focus, your life become unclear? Are you yearning for something but can’t quite put your finger on it? Its is time to nurture wholeness by taking in the sparkle and crackle of inspiration. Brigid says that a life without the fire of inspiration is dull indeed. She further counsels that by allowing inspiration to nurture your life you become sharper, clearer and more energetic.

Ritual Suggestion: Journey to Brigid

Find a time and place when and where you will not e disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. When you feel ready, take a deep breath and release it with a sigh, letting o of all you need to let go of. Take another deep breath and let it go with a hiss. Take a third deep breath and , as you release it, picture or sense a cave, a cave you have visited before or one that exists only in your mind. Now take another deep breath and, as you release it, stand before the cave. Run your fingers along the wall of the cave. Smell the cave. Enter it.

Inside, the cave is well lit and warm, and you find yourself going down, down, down, deeper and deeper and deeper. It is a pleasant and comfortable feeling to go down, down, down, deeper and deeper and deeper. T here is a light at the end of the cave. You are at the threshold, the place where the cave ends and the Otherworld begins. Step out now into the Otherworld. Notice the dazzling sunlight, the freshness in the air, the vivid colors.

Brigid is waiting for you beside an ancient stone well. You walk over to her across the soft, spongy, emerald grass. She tells you she is happy to see you ad glad that you have arrived. You tell her you seek inspiration. Brigid asks you for a gift and you give it to her gladly. Then she rings you in a circle of fire and lights a fire in your own crown chakra (top of your head). You feel a tingling and stimulating of that point. You feel your energy opening and expanding. Your power to visualize clears and grows stronger. You feel inspired!!

It is time for you to say good-bye. You thank Brigid. She tells you all you need to do to activate inspiration is to visualize that flame at the top of your head. You enter the cave. Now you are coming up, up, up, through the warm comfort of the cave, feeling relaxed, energized, refreshed. Up, up, up, till you reach the entrance of the cave. Move outside of the cave, take a deep breath, and as you slowly exhale you are back in your body. Take another deep breath and when you exhale, if ready, open your eyes. Welcome back!

Survival of the Fittest

Dearest Goddesses,

I’m so grateful for this week’s goddess – Eostre/Growth. I am ready!!! I am coming out of this period of stagnation and lethargy and I am so ready to make things happen.

I’ve read that it takes 3 days to get over food addictions and I woke up for my fourth day without sugar, bread or caffeine bright eyed! Not quite bushy tailed yet since I’m having trouble figuring out what I want to focus my energy on. I like to use the term “channel your energy” – especially with John and I really need to be open to some clarity in finding my direction (and not just follow the whim of the day).

I thought I’d share an observation with you this morning and hope for your feedback. I’ve been living in a beautiful house in a fairly undesirable area of San Jose. I’m really working on attracting a nice house with a beautiful backyard where my dogs can come and go freely. Now, I need to take them out for walks several times a day. And because of my country gal (who won’t go to the bathroom on anything but grass) and I’ve sort of got slim pickins in the grass department. So anyway – my old dog Wilma is about 13 years old and in tough shape. She is slow and hobbles – but loves going out for the walks. The other two want to get “there” as fast as they can (sounds like me!) and so Wilma trails behind us, sometimes at quite a distance. Well over the 5 months we’ve lived here, people are constantly slapping Wilma and a little girl actually poured soda on her head! I mean, this is a poor old dog!

So this morning, John and I were walking and sure enough a homeless man slapped Wilma on the butt. John immediately got in his face (she’s our girl!) and as John walked away, the man didn’t look after him with a sense of shame or upset but like he couldn’t believe John had the audacity to call him out over a “dog”. I was angry, I said – why, why would they put their hands on her? And he said something interesting – well, it’s survival of the fittest. People see something weak and they have to go after it. I suppose that could be why people LOVE watching the news which is filled with doom and gloom, I suppose that’s why they LOVE the gossip magazines – if we can see failure in someone else – somehow it makes us feel better? And yet, there’s the flipside – people who go out of their way to protect the weak and while there are the jerks who put their hands on Wilma or pour soda on her head, there are also the people I’ve noticed who see an old dog walking and say – pobresita, esta gorda (fat) and chat me up about the poor, old, fat dog.

In the book A Complaint Free World, William Bowen tells this story about how he lives on a curve and people tend to drive too fast and one day a man in a pickup hit his dog and just kept on driving. He was so angry at this man that he immediately got in his car and followed him, convinced that when he saw him he would kill the man. He followed him all the way to his house and William pulled into the driveway, got out of the car and said “you hit my dog!” And the man replied, “yeah, so – what are you going to do about it?” He was so floored by this man’s reaction, his lack of remorse and he rethought the idea of getting into a fist fight and headed back to his house to bring his dog to the vet and be with his family. He struggled and struggled for days with the reaction of this man and finally realized that this man must be in so much pain not to be able to feel remorse for a dead dog. Suddenly, he was filled with compassion for this man and wished him well.

Food for thought…

Love,
Patty

Waiting to Exhale

Dearest Goddesses,

I never realized the sheer genius of the title of Terry McMillan’s book Waiting to Exhale until recently when I actually had the feeling like it had been weeks since I had really exhaled. I’ve had the feeling of holding my breath in anticipation for months now. I went to my tried and true guide Living with Joy by Sanaya Roman and I flipped it open to a chapter on clarity.

When we are faced with change or feelings of uncertainty we tend to lose our perspective on the big picture and only focus on the immediate situation. When we keep our perspective, when we look at our life as one long story instead of a series of disjointed chapters, suddenly the “crisis” that we are facing in chapter 157 becomes the baseline for the tremendous epiphany in chapter 163. (I suppose if my life were like a James Patterson book, I’d already be on chapter 1063 at least…)

But seriously – think about a time in your life when you faced a tremendous challenge – one of those “end of the world” bits. Although you still may look back on that as a difficult time in your life or still think it was unfair, etc. the truth is you survived. It wasn’t the end of the world – and chances are, if we truly look back on the situation, it turned out for the best or provided a needed learning experience or simply proved the old adage that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

I’ll share a bit of an excerpt from Living With Joy with you now:

“Achieving clarity involves seeing the larger picture, a longer time frame, a bigger perspective. The larger your view, the clearer you can be…If you are willing to look at yourself as a whole, you can begin t find different levels of clarity around the present moment. It does not mean you need to know the form or where you are going. It means that the larger the picture you hold of who you are, the clearer you can be. If you were to go into the future and look back at today, you could gain a new perspective of who you are, for clarity is brought about by the changing of perspective. Most of you have certain ways you think, certain habits and patterns. Every time you break free and find a new way of thinking, you increase clarity. Clarity is not something that you reach and have from then on. It is an ongoing refinement of your picture.”

I read a quote today on a friend’s facebook page and really connected to it and so I think I will leave it with you today:

'When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step into the darkness, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen...There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.'

- Patrick Overton

Love to you,

Patty

Sekhmet: Anger & Rage

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle, copyright 1997, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto.

_____________________________________________________________________

I burn and fume

and shoot daggers from my eyes

I erupt and roar

(though you’ve not pulled my tail)

my edges are sharp

and I cut deep

my energy is strong and fierce

and my displeasure

needs to be expressed

Though sometimes mild

I can be very intense

Once incited

I am difficult to put out

I am always appropriate

always needed

Don’t try to get rid of me

I need to be acknowledged and heard

I am anger

Mythology:

Sekhmet (pronounced sek’met), the lion-headed Egyptian Sun Goddess, is known as the destructive aspect of the Sun. Vowing to destroy all humanity in a fit of rage, she went on a killing spree. She was stopped by the intervention of Ra, the high God, who put huge vats of beer mixed with pomegranate juice in her path. Mistaking it for human blood, Sekhmet consumed the drink and became intoxicated. When she woke up, her rage was gone. Red in this painting signifies Sekhmet’s scorching, smoldering nature.

Meaning of the Card:

Sekhmet leaps into your life to help you face your anger. Does anger, yours or someone else’s, make you feel uncomfortable? Do you fear your anger because you were taught anger isn’t nice? Or that expressing anger is ugly? Have you repressed or disconnected from it so much so that you don’t know how to express it now? Perhaps you’ve gone beyond anger to rage. Rage is accumulated anger gone out of control. Perhaps you’re in a slow boil all the time and don’t know how to take the pot from the fire. Sekhmet says our anger is part of our power as women. Don’t give away your anger. Learn to express it in a way that it can be heard. Learn to transform it so it empowers and energizes you. Your path to wholeness will be more vital when you make anger your ally.

Ritual Suggestion – Dancing with Sekhmet

Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed and where you can make noise. You will need a drum or pillow or bataka bat (made of foam that is used to safely express anger and rage). You can dance or do this while sitting, whatever feels appropriate for you. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight. Take a deep breath and release it slowly on the count of eight. Take another deep breath and sense, visualize, or feel a beach. It can be a beach you know or one that you imagine. Take a slow deep breath, inhaling the smell of the sea and, as you release it, go three. Feel the hot sun on your skin and the cool breeze from the ocean. Call Sekhmet and ask her to be present to help you with and to witness your anger. Sekhmet appears and sits in front of you.

Ask yourself, “Where do I have anger?” and listen for the answer. (It can be a recent anger or a long-buried one.) Sekhmet tells you to search for your anger in a relaxed way, and assures you that if you call, it will come. When you have it, allow yourself to relive the incident in which you felt anger, while repeating the words, “I am angry.” Also say what you are angry about. Sekhmet witnesses your anger and says, “I hear you are angry.”

From your safe space on the beach, either sit or stand, but keep repeating the words, “I am angry”. If you have a drum, beat your feelings of anger on the drum. I fyou choose to beat a pillow or bataka bat, allow your body to feel the anger and express it. Move, vocalizew, dance, or do whatever is appropriate. Above all, allow yourself to feel your anger and express it. Know that it is safe to do so, that Sekhmet is witnessing your anger and loving you for it, that it is yours and you have a right to it. Press deeper into the anger until you feel done or until it changes into something else.

When you are finished, take a deep breath, inhale all the energy you have raised and transformed. Sekhmet tells you what a joy it is to have witnessed and held the space for you to express your anger. You feel energized and refreshed. You think Sekhmet and she asks you for a gift. You give it to her with an open heart, then she leaves. Take another deep breath and, as you release it, open your eyes. Welcome back!

Changes: Motherhood

Dearest Goddesses,

We woke with a scare this morning. Ginny hadn't been feeling well for several days – just not her tail waggin, vivacious self. Her appetite didn't change (she could always be found perched at the stove when we were cooking) she was going to the bathroom fine – but when she woke up this morning with a horrible discharge (I'll spare you the details – I'm sure you're grossed out enough) we woke the vet up (Sunday morning!!) It turns out that she has a uterine infection – which is apparently common in bulldogs – and the only solution was to get her spayed. John and I had been talking about the idea of finding her a mate at her next period and have a litter. Although we were disappointed that there wouldn't be little Ginnys running around (isn't she cute??) we were also relieved. No more periods, no monitoring a bulldog birth – which apparently is extremely challenging. On the way home from the vet, John turned to me and said – I guess the universe is telling us that we're not supposed to have babies, I corrected him…puppies you mean. Right…puppies.

As a married woman in her mid-thirties, I am asked at least once a week whether I have children. While I sometimes I like to think it's because I live in Costa Rica and women traditionally have babies fairly young, I know it would be the same in the states. And when I answer no – there is invariably a follow-up question of why not? Don't you want kids?

Sometimes I think of myself as a victim "How does this jerk not know that maybe I've been trying for years and simply can't have babies – how is this question supposed to make me feel??"

Other times I feel like I've got to defend myself "No, not yet, but we're trying!!"

My usual answer is "When it's time, it's time" (of course in my limited Spanish, I'm not sure it translates great!)

I suppose the truth would have to be "To be honest with you – I just don't know if I do…"

There's a whole flood of junky garbage that goes through the mind of a woman in her mid-thirties who's still not sure she wants (or can have) children. While I'm not obsessive about cervical fluid or temperature, we're actively seeing if it happens. I notice a lot of pregnant women and think longingly about having babies and then I see a mother schlepping her screaming brood around and am grateful that I'm not. Every month I get that twinge of hopefulness that I am – and can't help but be a bit disappointed when I'm not, and then I go about my month and love my freedom and how relatively low maintenance my dogs are. I've been on the "Am I pregnant?" websites and I've felt angry at my body for the few days of deception. I've felt the feeling of failure that my body hasn't produced even a glimmer of life, while those around me seem so fertile. I've felt the pressure of the clicking biological clock. I wonder if my choices, my indecision, my failure to log cervical mucus and Basal Body temperature, will seem like wasted time when I'm 40 and my chances are even slimmer? Will I be okay with the question – how come you don't have any kids, in 10 years? When the ticking gets louder in a couple years, will I head to a fertility clinic and start dosing myself with hormones? I don't know – I like to think I won't – that I'll accept that although I won't physically give birth in this life, that I am still Mama Spice (I once asked John what my Spice Girl name would be – he said Mama Spice…!) That I'll join the ranks of the many beautiful, talented, passionate, loving, giving, women I know, who have chosen for one reason or another not to have children.

The truth is, I just don't know. I like being Auntie Patty, Tia Linda, Uncle Patty (to Jonah!) to the kids in my life. I love hearing about their successes and seeing them grow up. I love their precociousness and their questions. I love their laughter and how they can fall asleep anywhere. And I really love going home and sleeping through the night without a bad dream, or a bedwetting, or an I don't know what's wrong, how can I make it better, why won't you just go to sleep?

I suppose in all of this, the most effective answer is – when it's time, it's time. And if it's not? Well, I certainly hope to have given birth to creation, to possibility, to miracles, to growth…

And so, while my baby is at the Vet having surgery tomorrow morning (send her light!!) which will end her chances of motherhood – I couldn't help but ponder my own.

Love to you,

Patty