Hunger Pangs

Dearest Goddesses,

I've always been a snacker and I really never discriminated (discrimination is not nice, you know!!). Salt, sweet... I went for it all. And the more that was in front of me, the more that I ate, regardless of hunger.

Well, I shared how I was off the caffeine and sugar and breads - well I've been doing the Adkins diet and really doing well. It just became clear to me one day that I was not a "once in awhile" indulger. If it was in the house - perhaps I could make it to a once every few hours indulger - but really, if it was in the house, it had a voice and it knew how to SCREAM my name!

So I gave it all up, cold turkey. After that initial physical withdrawal slump, I've had so much more energy, my nails have grown stronger, I'm losing weight and I'm not hungry. I find that I eat when I'm hungry, I drink when I'm thirsty and I'm eating healthy proteins and veggies and will begin to take on some grains in the next week or so. Physically I feel great.

I read Anthony Keidis's book Scar Tissue - he is the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Really great book. He's suffered with serious addiction most of his life and at one point he talked about being "dry drunk" where he was dry - he wasn't drinking or doing drugs, but he wasn't actively dealing with his addictions and it was kind of like walking a balance beam all the time. I can't help but feel that way around food! I'm not hungry, I'm not craving anything specific - but I MISS the snacking. I miss the munching, crunching sweetness of snacking!

I was in the grocery store the other day - and the grocery stores down here, while they really offer a lot of the things that you can find in the states - there is simply not the selection. So there are no Atkins bars to choose from, etc. or the low carb snack foods - which, I think is a blessing (otherwise, I'm sure I'd convince myself that I could eat just one!) But I walked up and down the aisles longingly - not really craving anything - but knowing I was craving something! And can probably assert that that something has very little to do with food. And for now - the complete limitation is helping me recognize this desire simply to feed.

Well tonight, we happened to look through the Atkins book and found a recipe for ice cream! MY FAVORITE!!! So we made it and while it is still not completely frozen, John and I talked about entering the danger zone. Can we limit ourselves to the 1/2 cup serving? I suppose this is our big test...

What are you hungry for?

Love to you,
Patty

Tether Ball

Dearest Goddesses,

I was watching my dogs on their walk today struggling against the tether of their leashes. I had to yell at Ginny twice because she saw something in the road and wanted to chase after it. Poor girl - all she wants to do is play and run and chase and bite and discover...I couldn't help but feel intimately related to my dogs in that moment. Only instead of a real collar and leash not letting me run here and there and keeping me on a particular path - I've got my pretend leash on of my own design - and I almost think it's more confining than the real thing would be.

I once did this teleseminar by Jack Canfield discussing the power of your environments. They had looked at the phenomenon of people who leave personal development training all lit up only to go back into their lives and the "high" that they had felt walking out of the room slowly disappeared into just another great idea. Landmark Education teaches something similar - about transforming your communities - as the different communities in your life represents different environments. Feng Shui asserts that your physical environment represents different areas of your life and your body - more about your environment.

Rather than one tether of my own design keeping me at a certain reach - I feel like I've got about a dozen tethers of different shapes, sizes and lengths and depending on my relationship with a certain environment/community/feng shui gua dictates my range of motion. And as much as 11/12 of my environments are running smoothly - if I've neglected or avoided one area, that short tether will begin to affect the rest of my world.

In one of Sanaya Roman's books, I'm not sure which, she talked about identifying the essence of what it is that you want. If you want a new house - what does that new house represent for you? Security, freedom, power, expansion... Get in tune with the essence and start bringing that essence into your life now. You may find that the house comes easier - or you may find that you are perfectly comfortably where you are - you just needed to be open to the essence.

I think of the walk with my dogs today and this feeling of being tethered by my environments and I think of what I want to create and I know the essence is freedom. It's time to invite freedom in and I bet my environments transform in an instant.

Love to you,
Patty

Focus Don't Fret

Dearest Goddesses,

I was lucky enough to be able to take advantage of Eric Maisel's offer for free creativity coaching for his coaches in training and I'm working with Theresa over the past few weeks. Well the past few weeks I've felt like I've been having a quarter life crisis or something. Perhaps it's the location of the planets, or my 35th birthday, or my current environment or circumstances. This is not an "I want to be 21 again" at all - but more what have I done with the time I've had and what do I want to do moving forward. I shared my frustration with Theresa and she had this great response that I wanted to share with you.

"On those "big-bad-big-question" days, as I call 'em, I gotta just sit down, be still, and ask myself...what will it be TODAY? Focusing instead of fretting seems to help me best through those days. "

Focus don't fret. Choose something. It doesn't have to be the "right" something, it doesn't have to be what gets you on Oprah or is your million dollar idea, just focus, don't fret.

Focus has always been hard for me. Like making a choice on a diner menu - there is so much out there, so much to choose from, so much I'm interested in - how could I possibly focus on only ONE thing? And I suppose what I've been having the most trouble with is defining what it is I can offer people - what is my calling and instead of focusing on one thing - I fret and fret and instead notice where I am lacking in each area of my life, where I'm not qualified, where I don't have support, etc.

So this week, I focus on me - who I am for people, what I am on this earth to contribute - I welcome your feedback (who I am for you - how you see me in the world) And I welcome you on this same inquiry with me. Let us enjoy the warm fires of Brigid inspiring us this week (make sure you check her out!)

Remember - focus don't fret.

Love to you,
Patty

Brigid: Inspiration

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle, copyright 1997, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto.
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Let me come to you

Through the mists

Through the fire

Through the plants

Through the deep flowing wells

With ideas

Visions

Words

Music beyond the tips of your ears

Let me move you

Enliven you

Stimulate you

Till your perspective shifts

And your mind/body/spirit explodes

And you are left standing

In the wake of what has been revealed…

And life feels very sweet

Mythology

Brigid (pronounced bridg’id), which means “bright”, is a Celtic triple Goddess of fire the fire of inspiration, smithcraft, poetry, healing and divination. Her inspiration was vital to the bards (poets) who called upon her freely. Legend says that Brigid was born with a flame reaching out from the top of her head, connecting her with the universe. The new (Christian) and the old (pagan) Brigid were merged into St. Brigid in A.D. 450. St. Brigid, daughter of a druid, was a goldsmith and a healer. Nineteen priestesses/nuns guard her sacred fire in Kildare, Ireland. On the twentieth of each month, it is said she appears and tends it herself.

Meaning of the Card

Brigid comes to ignite you with inspiration. Are you feeling a lack of direction? Motivation? Energy? Has your path gone out of focus, your life become unclear? Are you yearning for something but can’t quite put your finger on it? Its is time to nurture wholeness by taking in the sparkle and crackle of inspiration. Brigid says that a life without the fire of inspiration is dull indeed. She further counsels that by allowing inspiration to nurture your life you become sharper, clearer and more energetic.

Ritual Suggestion: Journey to Brigid

Find a time and place when and where you will not e disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. When you feel ready, take a deep breath and release it with a sigh, letting o of all you need to let go of. Take another deep breath and let it go with a hiss. Take a third deep breath and , as you release it, picture or sense a cave, a cave you have visited before or one that exists only in your mind. Now take another deep breath and, as you release it, stand before the cave. Run your fingers along the wall of the cave. Smell the cave. Enter it.

Inside, the cave is well lit and warm, and you find yourself going down, down, down, deeper and deeper and deeper. It is a pleasant and comfortable feeling to go down, down, down, deeper and deeper and deeper. T here is a light at the end of the cave. You are at the threshold, the place where the cave ends and the Otherworld begins. Step out now into the Otherworld. Notice the dazzling sunlight, the freshness in the air, the vivid colors.

Brigid is waiting for you beside an ancient stone well. You walk over to her across the soft, spongy, emerald grass. She tells you she is happy to see you ad glad that you have arrived. You tell her you seek inspiration. Brigid asks you for a gift and you give it to her gladly. Then she rings you in a circle of fire and lights a fire in your own crown chakra (top of your head). You feel a tingling and stimulating of that point. You feel your energy opening and expanding. Your power to visualize clears and grows stronger. You feel inspired!!

It is time for you to say good-bye. You thank Brigid. She tells you all you need to do to activate inspiration is to visualize that flame at the top of your head. You enter the cave. Now you are coming up, up, up, through the warm comfort of the cave, feeling relaxed, energized, refreshed. Up, up, up, till you reach the entrance of the cave. Move outside of the cave, take a deep breath, and as you slowly exhale you are back in your body. Take another deep breath and when you exhale, if ready, open your eyes. Welcome back!

Marriage Reflections

Dearest Goddesses,

Yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. For those of you who celebrated with us in Montauk thank you again! I definitely wished I was back there yesterday!

So today I thought about all the things that I’ve learned after 4 years of marriage and thought I’d share them with you:

1. It’s so much more fun to laugh at ourselves and each other than stay mad over something stupid.
2. Both of us participate in every fight we may have, therefore both are responsible. Asking where can I be responsible is more productive than focusing on what a jerk he might be.
3. It’s totally okay to go to bed angry. Sleeping on it usually gives some perspective and the spontaneous cuddles throughout the night reminds you of all the warmth.
4. Communication – no matter how messy – is 100% better than silence.
5. Sometimes you don’t have to open your mouth and comment.
6. It’s not up to me to “change” him, but it is definitely up to me to see him in his greatness, even when he’s not being great, or I’m not being great.
7. What seems like the “end of the relationship argument” can quickly turn into love if I let it.
8. Every mess can be cleaned up.
9. It’s up to me to make sure I’m living my best life, it’s not up to him.
10. It’s up to me to communicate my needs, wants, desires, etc. It’s not up to him to anticipate them or to read my mind.
11. It’s better just to remind him about anniversaries and birthdays – whether he remembers does not determine it’s importance to him or how much he loves you.
12. Communicate expectations so they don’t create upset.
13. It’s a lot of fun to go through life with someone you can laugh with.
14. Through adversity you can realize that you married your true love which makes the good times all the more sweet.

Love to you all.

Patty

Survival of the Fittest

Dearest Goddesses,

I’m so grateful for this week’s goddess – Eostre/Growth. I am ready!!! I am coming out of this period of stagnation and lethargy and I am so ready to make things happen.

I’ve read that it takes 3 days to get over food addictions and I woke up for my fourth day without sugar, bread or caffeine bright eyed! Not quite bushy tailed yet since I’m having trouble figuring out what I want to focus my energy on. I like to use the term “channel your energy” – especially with John and I really need to be open to some clarity in finding my direction (and not just follow the whim of the day).

I thought I’d share an observation with you this morning and hope for your feedback. I’ve been living in a beautiful house in a fairly undesirable area of San Jose. I’m really working on attracting a nice house with a beautiful backyard where my dogs can come and go freely. Now, I need to take them out for walks several times a day. And because of my country gal (who won’t go to the bathroom on anything but grass) and I’ve sort of got slim pickins in the grass department. So anyway – my old dog Wilma is about 13 years old and in tough shape. She is slow and hobbles – but loves going out for the walks. The other two want to get “there” as fast as they can (sounds like me!) and so Wilma trails behind us, sometimes at quite a distance. Well over the 5 months we’ve lived here, people are constantly slapping Wilma and a little girl actually poured soda on her head! I mean, this is a poor old dog!

So this morning, John and I were walking and sure enough a homeless man slapped Wilma on the butt. John immediately got in his face (she’s our girl!) and as John walked away, the man didn’t look after him with a sense of shame or upset but like he couldn’t believe John had the audacity to call him out over a “dog”. I was angry, I said – why, why would they put their hands on her? And he said something interesting – well, it’s survival of the fittest. People see something weak and they have to go after it. I suppose that could be why people LOVE watching the news which is filled with doom and gloom, I suppose that’s why they LOVE the gossip magazines – if we can see failure in someone else – somehow it makes us feel better? And yet, there’s the flipside – people who go out of their way to protect the weak and while there are the jerks who put their hands on Wilma or pour soda on her head, there are also the people I’ve noticed who see an old dog walking and say – pobresita, esta gorda (fat) and chat me up about the poor, old, fat dog.

In the book A Complaint Free World, William Bowen tells this story about how he lives on a curve and people tend to drive too fast and one day a man in a pickup hit his dog and just kept on driving. He was so angry at this man that he immediately got in his car and followed him, convinced that when he saw him he would kill the man. He followed him all the way to his house and William pulled into the driveway, got out of the car and said “you hit my dog!” And the man replied, “yeah, so – what are you going to do about it?” He was so floored by this man’s reaction, his lack of remorse and he rethought the idea of getting into a fist fight and headed back to his house to bring his dog to the vet and be with his family. He struggled and struggled for days with the reaction of this man and finally realized that this man must be in so much pain not to be able to feel remorse for a dead dog. Suddenly, he was filled with compassion for this man and wished him well.

Food for thought…

Love,
Patty

Eostre - Growth

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle, copyright 1997, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto.

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I am the movement toward becoming

expanding

enhancing

the impulse deep within all being

to develop

evolve

press onward

to fulfil

all that is possible

Mythology:

The Germanic Goddess of fertility, agriculture and spring, Eostre (pronounced yo’ster) or Eastre, was celebrated with the ritual lighting of dawn fires as a protection for the crops. She symbolizes springtime, new growth and rebirth. Once, when the Goddess was late in coming, a little girl found a bird close to death from the cold and turned to Eostre for help. A rainbow bridge appeared and Esotre came, clothed in her red robe of warm, vibrant sunlight which melted the snows. Spring arrived. Because the little bird was wounded beyond repair, Eostre changed it into snow hare who then brought rainbow eggs. As a sign of spring, Eostre instructed the little girl to watch for the snow hare to come to the woods.

Meaning of the Card:

Eostre comes into your life with her springtime message of personal growth. It is time to open to things in your life that facilitate growth, development, evolution. Is there a class or workshop you’ve been wondering if you should take? Do it now! Is there something new that you want to include in your life? Let it in now! Have you just gone through a period of stagnation and lethargy where nothing seemed to be happening? Let it go! Now is the time for growth. Eostre says that wholeness is nurtured when you embrace experiences, risks, and occasions that cause you to stretch. The stretching promotes your growth.

Ritual Suggestion: Growth

Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. Take in a deep breath to the count of six, hold for sex, and exhale for six. Do this three times. Let a feeling of relaxation and well-being spread through your body. Now choose a plant. It can be a plant you know well or one you imagine, a cultivated plant of a wild one. You are the seed of this plant, and you have just been placed in the ground by human hands, animal feet or the breath of the wind. You have been asleep, held in a state of suspended animation until conditions were right for you to begin your cycle of growth. Now it is time for you to wake up and grow. You tingle and vibrate as you begin to expand. Your movement and expansion cause you to break gently out of your hull. You can now begin taking in what you need for your growth.

You drink in moisture for the earth and draw in all that nourishes you. You only take in what you really need and you know what you need. First you develop roots. Those roots travel downward into the earth, both to anchor you an to search for what you need to continue your growth. Now you begin to expand upward, responding to the light and warmth of the sun and you send up your first green leaves. More warmth and light from the sun pulls you up and out. More water and nutrients from the earth, and you grow and create more leaves and deeper roots. As the conditions around d you continue t nurture you, you and your environment continue the weaving dance of taking in and expanding out, breathing in and breathing out, as you continue to unfold and become exactly who you are.

Stay with that feeling, sense, or image of breathing in – taking in what you need – and breathing out – expanding and growing – for as long as is appropriate for you. Now take a deep breath and release it slowly coming back into your human body. When you feel ready, open your eyes. Welcome back!