Winning Formula

Dearest Goddesses,

We all have winning formulas, ways in which we interact with the world that puts us out ahead, but doesn't really leave us feeling fulfilled or taken care of. I always thought that my winning formula was being accommodating - I would make sure everyone else was taken care of and not consider my own needs. And while that very may well be it, I've been confronted by another winning formula lately that I actually got clear about in my last post which was ultimately about facing my vulnerability, specifically relating to my body.

I have always been strong and being strong, or rather being stronger (than everyone) is the winning formula I have been facing since that last post. My body is made for strength - 6 feet tall, NYU record holder in shot put and discus (I decided to use that instead of putting my weight ;)) I've never been a small girl. And because I'm not a small woman, I believe I have used my strength to set me apart. And this strength has become my armor. If I am not perceived as strong (and this goes beyond the physical) I feel like a failure. Somewhere along the line, I decided that vulnerability = weakness. And since who I have defined myself to be is strong, there is no room for vulnerability - or rather, I have not made room for vulnerability.

My mantra didn't work and I ended up getting sick. It didn't last very long at all, but as I was driving to work yesterday morning, feeling rotten, I realized that there is a place for being sick. A time to regroup and force yourself to take care of yourself. Just because my mantra didn't stick, doesn't mean that my mind is weak, it just means that in order for my body to stay strong, it needed to fight off whatever I got which caused the symptoms that I had. And it really was only for a day - others were sick for a lot longer, so I can still work my winning formula at being stronger! I suppose everything is all about perspective anyway...

What is your winning formula? How is it keeping you at a distance from the people in your life?

Love to you,
Patty

Vitally Healthy

I am vitally healthy, I am vitally healthy, I am vitally healthy.

Or at least that's what I'm trying to convince my mind so that it doesn't listen to my body or my stuffed up nasal passages. I haven't had a cold in about 2 years. I've had days of the sniffles and I've been under the weather and sad and I broke my wrist and I even think I've thrown up, but I haven't had that throw down kick you in the arse, can't get out of bed, residual snot for two weeks kind of cold. When I feel the sniffles coming on, I get my mantra out to work it

I am vitally healthy, I am vitally healthy, I am vitally healthy.

But the combination of air conditioning and germy co-workers has given me a sore throat and the sniffles and while I will not come right out and say that I am sick - because that's like an invitation or self-fulfilling prophecy and I truly believe in the power of the mind to determine the state of your health - I'm not quite connecting to the power of my mantra. And as I curve my arm at the keyboard, I understand what the shift is...I'm vulnerable. A little over a month ago I broke my arm. After 35 years of never breaking a bone, my arm broke. After 35 years of falling down stairs, of slipping on wet pavement, of running into doors (I think you get the idea, I'm more clutz than grace)...I broke something. At a different time, I know that the fall that I had wouldn't have resulted in a broken wrist. Some bruises, a big scrape perhaps, but not a broken wrist. There was something in that day - my state of mind, my circumstance, whatever - that allowed the break to happen.

Like any vacation, when you take time off from living your best life (connected, centered, powerful) you come back to lots of work in your inbox. In order to make my mantra work, I need to chip away at the onion layers that have accumulated since I've been on "vacation". And understand that while I've been broken and while I still feel a bit vulnerable, I do have control over my thoughts, beliefs and actions and Yes, darnit, even whether or not I succumb to the sniffing, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, please just kill me cold.

Here's to health. Vital Health.

Love to you,
Patty