Thursday, May 8, 2008
So - I have to share a funny story that I think is PERFECT for our week on sexuality...
I've started teaching these English classes here and grammar has NEVER been my favorite, and the book can get boring, especially for these one on one classes that I'm teaching. So I grabbed this baggie of juicy words that I had made for work with my women's group and my altered book project and I have my students (they're all in their 40's and 50's) pick a juicy word and then give a little impromptu speech about themselves using the word. I play along as well and usually go first to model a speech. So today, Eduardo and I pick our words and I see his eyes perk up and giggle. I figured he got stuffed animals or maybe something girly. So I give my speech on "voice" and it's his turn. His cheeks get bright red and he says that he knows what the word means, but he doesn't know how to use it in a speech about himself. You'll never guess what word he chose...
Oh my gosh, I just about died. Needless to say I let him pick another word!
So, onward to the weekly challenge - and I have a PERFECT creative project...
Patty's Challenge: Taking a cue from the words chosen tonight from myself and my new best pal Eduardo - we are going to give VOICE to VAGINA!
Create your own vagina monologue. What kind of voice would your vagina have? What would your vagina say to the world?? Write it, perform it (share it if you dare!) And for those of you without a vagina - write an homage to one (it can be the one you came from, the one you are hopefully keeping satisfied or the in general vagina).
Love to you,
So I was on taking the bus to a class I am currently teaching down here in Costa Rica and I was feeling particularly uncomfortable. It was especially hot and I had on pants that didn't fit quite right and I was wearing real shoes instead of my trusty flip flops and I was just uncomfortable. Being one of the only blondes in the country (it feels like it sometimes) and six feet tall (I'm at least a head taller than the average Costa Rican), I tend to stand out.
Well, yesterday I wasn't really looking for any attention - I was uncomfortable, I was hot, I was feeling fat and I just wanted to get to my destination. The truth was, I wasn't feeling sexy, sexual - hell, not even the least bit attractive. And instead of owning the attention that I did get - as a big beautiful blonde (I went for the alliteration!) it just made me feel more uncomfortable.
Now, I happen to believe that beauty has more to do with state of mind than it does with individual features. I don't think that half of the super models that I see are beautiful - and they are pretty much judged by their features - and I can remember countless times being on the subway in NY and being totally inspired by the confidence in a woman who didn't fit into the beauty checklist. It was that confident state of mind that magnified her beauty. So - when we don't "feel" sexy, pretty, beautiful, deserving - it's really just a trick - a block that we've set up for ourselves. A momentary trick mirror. Not "feeling" it just means that you aren't currently accessing your sexy state of mind.
I talked before about the concept of filling our well - and the truth is we don't need to fill it, because that well inside of us is always flowing - it's simply whether we are plugged in to its abundance. I think it's the same with beauty and sexiness. If you're not "feeling" it, you're simply not plugged in - because accessing your beauty, your sexuality is all about plugging in to that well. It's just a block to keep you from being as powerful (an sexy!) as you were meant to be.
So the next time you aren't "feeling" sexy - think about what you would need to do to plug into what is already within you. It does not require a new wardrobe or hairstyle, etc. I mean, a shower couldn't hurt ;) but whatever you have within you is all you need.
Patty's Challenge: Connect to your inner sexy - whether you're "feeling" it or not.
Love to you,
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I listened to Jack Canfield's monthly teleseminar today and felt compelled to share his answer to a question that I am definitely struggling with at this time.
The question was related to finishing projects - the person who asked said that she gets about 90% finished and then loses interest and doesn't finish. I certainly can relate, although sometimes I feel like I get 30% there and then quit!!
He said that he integrated an exercise from Werner Erhard who inspired the programs of Landmark Education. Within our first six years, something happens to us and we make the decision "I can't win". (He told a story of when at 3 yrs old he did this great drawing that he was so proud of and showed his parents, who just fawned over the picture - told him how great it was. The next morning, seeing some of his pictures on the refrigerator and knowing that was where good art hangs, he took some magic markers and on the wall next the fridge, started drawing this beautiful picture of the ocean - totally self-expressed...Of course his father finds him using magic markers on the walls and flips out and sends him to his room and in that moment, as a confused 3 year old - he decided that he couldn't win - he obviously didn't have the distinction that the wall wasn't an appropriate place to draw on - he just saw that in one moment creating a picture had made his parents happy and in the next, it had made them miserable.)
So we all have this experience - this time in our lives when we decided "I can't win". And since no one wants to be a loser, we came up with some strategies on how to avoid losing and there are specifically 8 strategies that we use to avoid losing. Be honest and see where you fit!!
1. Don't play. I can't lose if I don't actually play the game.
2. Quit if it gets too hard. Just pick up your ball and go home!
3. Destroy the game. Kids do this all the time in a literal sense. I can remember many a monopoly board all over the place.
4. Keep others from winning. Terrorists, sabotaging someone else's win...
5. Become the problem. If I suddenly need to be cared for, I can keep others from winning and have an excuse to avoid losing.
6. Be perfect. If everything needs to be perfect, then I am constantly stressed about having everything perfect, that even when I do win, I don't.
7. Be the judge. If you are the critic, you don't actually have to make a movie, you can just assess everyone else's movies.
8. Never finish anything. That way I can't be judged.
To powerfully get beyond these limitations, think back to the earliest time (generally from 0 - 6) that you had the experience of a failure to please. You actually want to get back to that moment, and experience those powerful emotions, reconnect to those feelings and then in that moment, re-decide the outcome. Jack's: "it wasn't about me and that I couldn't win - I realize that my parents were trying to be perfect and so I couldn't please them in that moment, but it didn't have anything to do with me."
I encourage you all to take advantage of Jack Canfield's free teleseminars the first Wednesday of the month - you can register at www.askjackcanfield.com and if you want to hear Jack describe the failure to please exercise, you can access the archives to today's teleseminar for $10 at www.askjackcanfield.com/archives.
Here's to finishing...
Love to you,
P.S. One other thing that he mentioned which I found fascinating was that there are apparently studies out there that prove that one hour of inner work (visualizing, meditation, affirmations) equals 7 hours of external effort. Just a thought when you are creating your priority/to-do lists...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
When I was in 3rd grade, I fell hard for Brett Reinhard. There's a whole story with a note professing his love to me which I'm pretty convinced Sherri Yearton manufactured, but I fell hard. Suddenly, I was completely aware of the differences between boys and girls (I mean I wasn't mentally challenged or anything - I got the difference, but we all played together - my best friend was the boy down the street) But that distinction changed things for me - I was suddenly very aware of myself and of him and how I felt when I was near him. So when he started holding hands with Melissa, I immediately became aware not only of the differences between boys and girls but also between myself and the girls in my class.
I'm not sure why I felt compelled to tell you all about my first crush, but I feel like I mark that moment in 3rd grade with my growing awareness of myself as a sexual being - not related specifically to sex. I think that moment also marked for me a betrayal I felt at not being "chosen" by Brett - regardless of the author of the note - he didn't pick me and so, I suppose there must have been something that didn't measure up. And I guess since then, I've always been trying to measure up (or find evidence for "not" measuring up...)
I guess the point is that there is inevitably junk from the past that ends up defining not only our personality and perspective on the world, but also our sexuality and our relationship to sexuality. I really think it's key to clean out those crevices and heal old wounds so that we are fully expressed as sexual beings.
Patty's Challenge: What are your first memories that have defined your sexuality? Are they positive? Negative? Is there someone you need to forgive? Can you just be willing to forgive? How can you transform that memory into something that will support you? For the only meaning that memories have for you is the meaning that you give to it.
Love to you,
P.S. If you haven't already, drop me a line and let me know how you like the Daily Goddess Blog. I'd love to hear from you.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Dearest Goddesses,I love that Freya follows the juicy wild woman of Baba Yaga – for what is more perfect than looking at the issue of sexuality after meeting our wild woman?!
If you haven’t picked up Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts it is a perfect read this week. The book is fun and certainly juicy. (For those married women, she has a book called Mama Gena’s Marriage Manual) Although the premise is really to attract the relationship you are looking for (or spicing up the relationship you are in) the means to this end is finding your own pleasure and connecting to your sexuality. Being connected to your sexuality is being connected to your power and when you are connected you can make anything happen.
As practice, I will offer as my challenge, an exercise from Mama Gena’s Owner’s and Operator’s Guide to Men:
“Find a guy you are not in the least bit attracted to. In a safe circumstance, allow yourself to be turned on, in his presence, just for your own benefit. Just sit near him and then start feeling your pussy. Notice things that you do find attractive about him. Could be his skin color, the sound of his voice, or his hair. Why is Mama putting you through this kind of kooky torture? I want you to understand, through experience, that turn-on or chemistry or attraction is your business, not his business. You are the desire and the object of desire, all rolled into one hot little package. I want you to see how you have your hand on the wheel of your own turn-on and how it is totally and completely up to you. Then, I want you to share this experience with your Sister Goddess girlfriends. And that is the end of the assignment. You do not have to date this man, or even be friends with this man. It was just an experience of your power for your research and development.”
Now I will admit, this week’s goddess happens to be very female centered – the meditation from the Goddess Oracle can easily be modified for men – but I don’t think that the challenge above would work for men. I think, ultimately, that men are very tuned into their sexuality – I think a good challenge would be to tune into the sexuality of a woman in your life – and if there is no woman in your life, then how can you make a woman feel truly beautiful? (and no, whistling at them on the street is not effective.)
And, for those of you ladies who have absolutely no interest in attracting a man…just connect to your power – remember, the object is not important.
Love to you,
Amy Sophia Marashinsky: http://www.amysophia.com/
You can download the meditations included in the ritual suggestions at http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2
Hrana Janto: http://www.hranajanto.com/
There was a time
in the beginning
a time when there was nothing
a time when I danced
my dance of sexuality
the energy of creation
and with that dance
gave it to All as my gift
Sexuality brought union with me
with spiritual ecstasy
Sexuality healed and wheeled
regenerated and invigorated
Sexuality wove you into the web of all being
for life lives to express itself
Whether it be new life
rites of pleasure
whatever you choose
sexuality is life’s expressive dance
and its greatest gift.
The northern Europeans called their lusty Goddess Freye (pronounced fray’ya), which means “mistress,” and gave her name to the sixth day of the week, Friday. She was the ruling ancestress of the elder Gods, or Vanir. She and Frigga are two aspects of the Great Goddess, Freya being the maiden aspect and Frigga being the mother aspect. Freya didn’t discriminate in her choice of lovers: all the Gods were fair game. When Freya appeared draped in her feathered cloak and wearing nothing but her magic amber necklace, none could resist her.
Meaning of the Card
Freya is here to assist you in honouring your sexuality. It is time to connect with that vital, primal, spiritual, regenerating energy and express it, whether or not have you have a partner. It’s about being fully present in your body. Not just the shoulders or head, but the clitoris, anus, breasts and feet. It’s about allowing yourself to feel vibrant, electric energy in your sex organs and use that energy to animate your being.
Have you been feeling that sexuality is too enormous or frightening or taboo to deal with? Do you fear that living and loving your sexuality will keep you from being a “nice girl”? Have the messages learned in your adolescence kept you from exploring your sexuality? Have you been too busy to take time to give to yourself sexually? Do you feel that sex requires a partner and if you aren’t with one you can’t enjoy your sexuality? Freya says that when you live your sexuality, you open to the dynamic energy that flows through all creation. When you close down, close off, close up, you limit your possibilities for connecting with Goddess energy, which brings you greater vitality. Your path to wholeness needs to include all your parts and your sexuality is an important piece of you.
Ritual Suggestion: Making Love with the Elements
You can download this meditation at the following site for $4.75
You may either do this as a journey or enact it. If you choose to enact the ritual, you will need to find a place outdoors where you will not be disturbed and where you are assured privacy. Begin sanding, but at any time, feel free to lie or sit. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself. Notice any feelings that come up and breathe with them. Give yourself permission to feel good.
If you choose to do this as a journey, find a time and place where and when you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie down with your spine straight. Take a deep breath and exhale, letting go of all you need to let go of. Take another deep breath, this time through your vulva into your womb. Feel your womb filling with pleasurable sensations. Allow yourself to feel good.
Sense, feel or see a circle. Go to the east. The east is the place of the element air. In your own words invite the east, the air to come and play with you. Feel the air caressing your skin, either lightly touching or blowing around and through you in an erotic way. Give over your body to the sensations that are aroused. Allow the air to play with your breasts. Let the air gently stroke your labia, your clitoris. Let the pleasure expand over your entire body. Take your time and allow yourself to experience as much as is appropriate for you.
Then go to the south, the place of the fire. Invite the heat of the sun, the fire, to play with you. Feel the warmth of the sun, the vibrancy of the heat, licking your skin in certain special areas. Then as your pleasure builds, the warmth oozes all over your body. Breathe in the deliciousness caused by the sun, the fire and let it radiate through your whole body. Take time to experience all that you need.
Move on to the west, the place of the water. Invite the water to play with you. Feel the water as it slips over your skin, caressing you with its moistness. Open your most sensitive places to the water’s touch. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure of being with water. Let the water taste you, lick you, enfold you. Breathe in the sensation of the water (not the water itself) and let it surge through your whole body. Take time to experience what you need.
Go to the north, the place of the earth. Invite the earth to come and play with you. Take the mud, the thick, moist earth, and spread it over your body in reverence, in appreciation, honouring the intent to give pleasure to your body. (If you are doing this as a ritual, you may prefer to use baking flour or whatever you consider safe to spread on your genitals.) Spread the earth’s love for you thickly and richly over your entire body. Have a good time. Give yourself permission to experiment with whatever arouses you. Let yourself feel the earth making love to you until you feel satisfied. Now take in all the energy you have generated during your lovemaking with the elements. Know that you are in charge of your sexuality and responsible for getting what you need.
When ready, take a deep breath, open your eyes and return to the here and now. Give thanks to Freya for her gift. Welcome back!