True Security

Blessings,

I have gotten myself all confronted with these past two themes that we’ve been exploring and so for inspiration, I turned to Living with Joy to see what message there was for me and something that I could share with you and this was what I received:

“True security exists when all needs can be met by the self.

Most of you think that to have security you must find something or somebody in the outer world who will give you something that will make you feel secure. No one can give you anything before you give it to yourself. If you cannot give it to yourself then no one can give it to you either. This means that anything you are seeking right now to feel secure – such as money, a boyfriend or girlfriend, marriage, a home – none of those will fulfill that need until you have given yourself inner security.

Some of the things people think they need to feel secure are acknowledgment and recognition, praise, love, fame and fortune. Often love is demanded from others in a very specific way – so many phone calls a week, so many hugs, so many times the other person need to feel the world is safe, to feel that you are special, to feel a part of something. Many of you look to others to give this to you, and you find constant disappointment. You can satisfy your security needs yourself – you can love yourself, believe that the world is safe, acknowledge and recognize your accomplishments. Ultimately, only the self can fulfill the needs.”

Love to you,

Patty

What's Getting in Your Way?

Dearest Ladies,

I decided last night that I was done being broke. It’s boring. Something in me is fulfilling this state, despite being on the cusp of owning a huge piece of property that we’re going to develop. And as I sat down to write this email, thinking about betrayal – I realize that I have been holding the universe responsible! Come on – I’ve been doing everything that I possibly could – I’ve been thinking positive, I’ve got the vision boards up, I’m filling out checks at the new moon, I’m sharing light with the people around me, I’m preparing for a higher vibration, I’VE WORKED MY ARSE OFF!! (Can’t forget that one!) I mean, enough is enough! Why, Universe, why are you betraying me?

So okay, insight number one. I’m blaming the universe for where I’m at in life. Let’s explore this a little bit further…Because as I was writing the paragraph above, I was thinking that other than being broke – and the obvious limitations that that presents, I’ve been pretty happy – and probably the most centered I’ve felt in a long time. And then in the back of my head, in a very very low voice I heard something like “money’s going to change all that” BINGO! There’s another piece of shadow right there – I’ve got a lot of fear around money – being broke has forced some centered-ness – I really need to explore that fear because everyone I’ve heard speak has said – I’ve been broke and I’ve been rich. I’ve been happy while I was broke and happy while I was rich and definitely being happy and rich is more fun!

So a huge part of me just wanted to quit right there and not delve deeper – I don’t know if it was not really wanting to do the work, not ready to let go of blaming the outside world for my circumstances (which would require me to take full responsibility), not wanting to share too much, to be vulnerable…

Okay – so here goes. I feel like money will definitely change my relationship with John – he’s a mover and a shaker and I feel that money will have him moving and shaking away from me and I’ve treasured the past few months and the work that he and I have done to find joy in our relationship. We are so present to the lessons that we have learned in our business because not having money has forced us to look for those lessons. I don’t want to lose the impact of those lessons because it is easier to make spur of the moment decisions with money. I will actually need to be responsible for money – to generate everything that I said I want to generate – it needs to be managed and since I have evidence from the past of “not being good at it” I have taken that on as a belief. For years, I have not started my own business because “I haven’t had the money” – it’s become a safety net for me to not have to live my best life and take my own risks (and not those on behalf of John’s businesses). What would I have to talk about if I led a great life? I mean, I get that I could still share and teach others – but I am holding on to something – the idea of being “in it” with everyone else – as what sets me apart, what attracts people to me. If my problems were in the past tense, what would I connect to? My life is very small right now – which although it is something to complain about – it is also very safe. Being out there means there is more responsibility, more opportunity to fail, more accountability.

But what would I be able to do if I were truly a source for abundance? In the interest of time and since the phone calls are starting – I will need to explore this further tomorrow.

Thanks for allowing me to share and process this.

Patty’s Challenge: What is stopping you from truly being a source for abundance? Go beyond the “reasons” why you might be broke or have issues and try to dive deep. Do you have beliefs about the limits to the amount of money you are able to earn – limits given to you by your profession? Do you feel like your only source of income is your job? What are your beliefs around money?

Love to you,

Patty

Who are we REALLY Punishing?

Dearest Goddesses,

I’ve been thinking about betrayal lately – and the effects of holding on to stuff on your mind, body, and spirit. Something happened yesterday – no need to discuss what (that just fuels the fire sometimes) and there was someone in my life that I wanted to punish. And honestly – it’s a lot of work, work and energy that I’m not committed to expending anymore. Oh yeah, I also cleaned up with someone yesterday that I was punishing. One of our partners from the states hadn’t responded to a few emails that I had written that were difficult for me to write and requested some response that I had not received. So for the past week, every time he has called, I have been cool and distant to him on the phone. My form of punishment!

Well something clicked in me yesterday – perhaps it was our work on betrayal, or on embracing our shadows that I’ve been speaking what’s so for me more often and not just letting stuff sit and stew and so I was crystal clear in my communication with him yesterday what my needs were and that I was disappointed that I hadn’t heard from him regarding the email. In about 12 seconds, it was over, there was no discomfort – he was crystal clear and although I didn’t get the exact answer I was hoping for, there is a huge opening that I created to get what I need in the next day or so. And, by the way, if I had just continued to “punish” him, I am super clear that he would have NO IDEA that he was being punished by me AND I would not have an opening to get what I ultimately need from him – a waste of friggin energy.

Now, the flip side also ends up working too. We can devise our own ways of punishing ourselves for our own betrayals. I once moved in directly below a friend I had betrayed. I was still unpacking when I cleaned it up with her. And for a few months she needed space from me and I heard her footsteps in her apartment, heard her walk down the stairs, etc. and every step was a reminder of what I had done. It was a time period of tremendous grief for me – I needed to go through a process of self-forgiveness over and over - certainly an effective form of punishment that I devised for myself! And although it was a difficult few months and I certainly wish the betrayal hadn’t happened at all, I would not have the blessed relationship I have with her today if I hadn’t cleaned it up. Punishing ourselves is also wasted energy. My favorite saying: Life’s messy – clean it up!

But what I just described is a cake walk compared to some of the ways that we can punish ourselves! Eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, cutting ourselves, any sort of extreme anything (working too much, exercising too much, excessive risk taking, sabotaging relationships, etc.) If we put all that energy toward world peace, it would be achieved in no time!!

If we break it down further we wouldn’t be punishing ourselves or others if there wasn’t a payoff – something we get out of it – but there are also costs. It’s because we don’t connect – truly connect – to the costs that we allow them to persist in our lives.

So the payoff – what we get out of it – is

1. We get to be right or making someone (or ourselves) wrong or
2. We get to avoid taking responsibility for our actions.

Now for the costs:

1. Love/Intimacy
2. Health/Vitality
3. Self-Expression/Creativity

When we truly get clear to the costs that these incompletions are having on our lives – that usually is the inspiration necessary to clean it up. And you may have the misconception that having a mess in one area of your life isn’t really affecting the rest of your life. Not true. It is a similar tenant in Feng Shui. Just because you feel you have effectively compartmentalized all your clutter into one area of your house – that clutter is affecting or blocking the flow of energy to the rest of the house and therefore to the rest of your life. When you have this incompletion – it is like spiritual clutter and although you feel like you have it effectively compartmentalized – it seeps into every aspect of your life.

Patty’s Challenge: Get clear about the costs of something that is incomplete and go clean something up that you have been punishing yourself for. And if you can see the punishment, but not the event – sit quietly and figure out what you need to forgive yourself for. AND – who can you let off the hook that you have been punishing? How can you clean that up and work on spending that energy in a more effective way, like world peace…?

Love to you,
Patty

Owning The Past

Dearest Goddeses,

This weeks Goddess is Blodeuwedd representing betrayal and the ritual suggestion is a journey to the past to heal a past betrayal.

I like this exercise and am excited about exploring this idea this week because it is a perfect place also to look at taking full responsibility for our lives and what we have created. All of us tend to hang on to hurts from the past and many of us have huge hurts – intense hurts – the stuff talk shows love to explore. But ultimately, when we hang on to those hurts and use them as excuses for why we are not living our best life - we are only limiting our greatness. It is up to us to explore those hurts, to heal those hurts, to forgive and to give up the payoff that those hurts have provided for us in our lives up until now – the payoff to avoid responsibility for living our best life!

A friend of mine was telling the story of a seminar that he had attended where a woman got up and shared that she had never allowed herself to experience love. When she looked back into her past, she shared a story about when she was 3 years old, her father – who she adored – went on an extended business trip and was gone for about 2 months. One day, she heard his voice on the porch and ran out to see him. She didn’t realize that he was talking to a client and she ran outside and jumped into his arms. Her father continued the conversation with his client, picked her up off his lap and put her on the ground. From that moment on, she didn’t allow herself to experience love – for that moment was a huge betrayal from her father – the ultimate showing of love and affection only to be “pushed aside” in her eyes. Now, looking at this story – sure it would have been great if her father had interacted in a different way, or cleaned up the mess that he created in that moment – but the facts are that he was in a business meeting and wasn’t able to give her the attention that she wanted – she made up the rest.

Ultimately everything that you experience today is the result of choices that you made in the past. If those choices are producing results that aren’t making you happy – well then you have the power to impact those results which will require you to leave the past in the past.

Patty’s Challenge: As is stated in the meaning of the card (see attached) look at the question “How have I betrayed myself” for all betrayal stems from self-betrayal. Heal a past wound and take away the power that it has over you.

Love to you,

Patty

Blodeuwedd: Betrayal

The following is excerpted exactly from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and the illustrations are by Hrana Janto. For more information on their work, please visit the following websites:

Amy Sophia Marashinsky: http://www.amysophia.com/
You can download the meditations included in the ritual suggestions at http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=2

Hrana Janto: http://www.hranajanto.com/

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Created out of flowers

and made for pleasure

I was given to Llew Llaw Gyffes as wife

We were happy

and spent many hours

making love

till he left

one morning for the High King’s Court

That day another man came along

and it was he I wanted

His caresses were sweeter

his manhood was stronger

he promised not to leave me…

I could not live without him

Together we plotted the death of my husband

and carried it out one year hence

We thought we killed Llew

but he returned a year later and

killed my lover

I ran, to get away, hoping to escape

but the pounding hooves of my pursuers

caught up with me

The magician who turned me from flowers

into a woman

turned me from a woman into an owl

as punishment for my betrayal.

Mythology:

Welsh earth Goddess Blodeuwedd (pronounced blow-dye’wed) was wedded to sun God Llew Llaw Gyffes (Lugh) on the midsummer holiday of Lughnassah. Her name has become associated with betrayal because she tricked her husband by getting him to enact the complicated means of his death: bathing under a thatched roof over a cauldron by the side of a river, while standing with one leg touching a deer. Then she killed him with the help of her lover. The real story is about the archetypal forces. Blodeuwedd represents the voracious earth Goddess hungry for the blood of the sacred king to fertilize her soil.

Meaning of the Card

Blodeuwedd’s hooting call is heard in your life, alerting you to a betrayal. How is betrayal showing up in your life? Do you have trouble picking trustworthy friends, partners, coworkers, mates? Does all your care, consideration, and loyalty meet with treachery and betrayal? Have you misled someone so that you could get what you wanted? Blodeuwedd says that on your path to wholeness you must answer the question “How have I betrayed myself?” for all betrayal stems from self-betrayal.

Ritual Suggestion: Journey to Blodeuwedd
You can download this meditation at the following site for $2.00 http://deepspiritualnourishment.com/catalog/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=35&zenid=c636244961ac59cbabec57082d290766

Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. Take a deep breath, breathing in safety as you speak or think the words: “I am in a safe space”. Take another deep breath and breathe in protection with the words: “I am protected”. Take a third deep breath, breathing in acceptance with the words: “I am accepted”. Notice if any feelings come up when you breathe in safety, protection and acceptance.

Now see, feel or sense a place in nature where you can go to relax. It can be a place you know and visit regularly or one that exists only in your imagination. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, go there. What are the smells? The colors or textures? Take another deep breath and, as you release it, settle in and let go.

When you feel ready, call Blodeuwedd. She appears before you and asks you what you need. You ask her for help in healing the root of your self-betrayal and she agrees to help you. Blodeuwedd produces a movie screen several feet in front of you. With a snap of her fingers, she begins to run a film. The film is your childhood from the moment of your birth in this life. She asks you to hold the questions “When in my childhood was I betrayed?” in your heart. The “film” reaches the originating moment of your betrayal and stops. If any feelings come up, allow yourself to feel them. Do what is appropriate for you. Were you abandoned? Was someone you trusted not there for you? Were your childhood needs not met? Whatever it is, allow yourself to see what happened. Allow the wounded child that is in you to express the emotion accompanying that betrayal.

Blodeuwedd asks you to go up to the screen, take the hand of that child, and escort her off the screen. You return with her to where you were sitting or lying. Ask that child what she needs and give it to her. Now tell her that you, the adult, love her and won’t betray her. Tell her you really see how she was wounded and that you, the adult, will be there for her. Keep repeating this until you feel she has really heard you. Now take her back to the “film” and let her reenter. Blodeuwedd rolls back the scene of your originating betrayal and replays it. This time when the betrayal is about to happen, you the adult appear on the scene and protect you the child.

Take in the healing that has occurred. Breathe it deeply into your cells, your bones, your consciousness. You feel energized and calm. You thank Blodeuwedd and she asks you for a gift. You give it to her with an open heart, and she disappears.

Now focus your attention on being in your relaxing place in nature. Take a deep breath and, as you release it, touch your left earlobe. Take another deep breath and, as you release it, squeeze your eyelids. Take one last deep breath and open your eyes.

Welcome back!