I feel sort of like I'm running through mud these past few days - not sure where I'm going, but just know that I want to get out! But it's not like it's been in the past, where it's been all about struggle and feeling down - I've got this itch that I can't scratch, this feeling of discontent. I heard that whenever Tony Robbins feels that itch, that discontent, he gets excited because he knows that change is coming and with change comes breakthrough. I'm trying to change my lenses and be excited for the journey, excited for the transformation, instead of focusing on the discomfort of not knowing.
The discomfort caused me to get my paints out - which was a good thing. I went in to lay down because my body felt sluggish, but my mind was all over the place. I had this intense vision of being in my grandparent's backyard - looking onto the porch, swinging on the hammock, feeling the breeze on my face. I felt like I wanted to recreate that vision - to be on that hammock, to feel that breeze, to be carefree. I put paintbrush to paper, I drew a line and immediately got cranky because I knew that what was in my head would not be accurately represented on the paper. So I titled the work "The afternoon of my discontent" and it turned out pretty interesting. I suppose if you just let the paintbrush go it will create what needs to be created and our thoughts and visions of how it should look are just roadblocks that get in the way. For if it is already perfect in my head to begin with - what's the use of trying to create it all over again? I'll always have the memory.
So here's to the discomfort - may it always be like the Emperor Moth whose discomfort and struggle brings forth beautiful wings. I will await change excitedly...(or try to at least!)
I would like to dedicate today in honor of my parents who are celebrating 37 years of marriage today!
I was just sitting staring at a blank screen thinking of what I wanted tos ay when I picked up a journal I keep the quotes I like and opened it randomly to see what might jump out at me to get my thoughts jumping.
“I am no longer afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my own ship.”
- Louisa May Alcott
This is definitely something I am relating to these days and trying to take action around it, instead of playing the tired victim or martyr role. This morning was a perfect example. I like my relaxed morning routine. John and I wake up, go walk the dogs, make cappuccinos, make breakfast and start the day. This morning we woke up late and he had a conference call that he needed to prepare for. I immediately went into crank mode (“why didn’t you prepare last night, wah, wah, wah…”) and then I shifted. I decided that I’d have all of the things that I wanted this morning despite the lack of John time (it’s hard to get his attention when the computer is in front of him!). So – I walked the dogs, found a new health store that just opened up around the corner from us, made coffee, made pancakes (they weren’t as good as Johns, but…) and by the time breakfast was on the table, John was done with his call and suggesting that we get out of the house at lunch today to go to the park to have a picnic lunch and review some goals.
While this is a very simple example of sailing my own ship – it’s the little moments that can sometimes be the most significant. And since one of my main challenges is waiting (for others to…do it for me, do it with me, give me permission, give me approval, tell me how great I am, take care of me) the little steps are important. The more I wait, the more the rest of the world is sailing my ship.
Take one step today toward sailing your own ship and tell me what came out of it!!
Love to you, Patty
P.S. I have started an online version of WE: Women Empowered Through Creativity and Reflection and I am just loving it. If any of you are interested in participating, please let me know and I will send you all of the logistical information.
Vila (pronounced vee’lah) is the eastern European name for the Goddess energy moving through the earth as nature. Vily (plural) are very protective of their terrain and use their arrows of death on those who trespass. They are consummate shape-shifters, able to change into animals such as snakes, swans, falcons, and horses. They love to play and dance.If contacted in the forest on a moonlit night, they might grant health, wealth, abundant crops or they might, if shown disrespect, dance the offender to death.
Meaning of the Card
Vila has come dancing into your life in her many forms to teach you to nourish wholeness by learning to shape-shift. Have you been too long in one form?Are you feeling stiff and stagnant, losing flexibility in your way of thinking and being? Or perhaps you feel that the human is the most important being in creation – that the rocks, trees, animals, earth, et cetera, are lesser forms. It is time to expand your awareness, to enhance your flexibility by getting the perspective of other forms. Vila says the way to wholeness lies in experiencing the whole of creation.
Ritual Suggestion:Shape-Shifting the Elements
Select a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed. Stand, sit or lie comfortably with your back straight and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and release it slowly, letting everything go with it. Take ea deep breath into your womb, through your vagina.Feel the air fill your womb and then exit through your vagina. Keep breathing into your womb.
Stand facing the east and visualize, feel, sense the element air in whatever form you choose:a warm summer breeze, a windy March day. When you have a clear sense of the air, breathe it into your womb until your womb becomes the air. Let the air spread through your whole body, so that your body dissolves and you are the air. Allow yourself to experience oneness with the air until you are ready to move on. Then let the airy sensation recede into your womb and finally leave your body completely.
Facing south, get a strong sense, visual image, or feeling of fire.Is it a bonfire or a flickering candle?A forest fire or hearth fire? Focus on your image, then take it into your womb so that your womb becomes the fire. Let the fire gradually spread through your body so that you dissolve into the fire. Stay with the experience of being fire until it is time for you to return. Let the fire recede until it is only in your womb, then et the fire go completely.
Face the west and the element water.Sense, see or feel a running stream, a calm clear pond, the immensity and power of the ocean, or a glass of water and focus on it. Then breathe it into your womb so that your womb becomes the water. Let it spread to the rest of your body so that your body dissolves and you become the water. Enjoy the experience of being water until you feel it is time to return. Gradually let the water recede until it is only in your womb, then release the water completely.
Face the north and the element earth.Choose the image, sense, or feeling of earth that is appropriate for you – the mountains, jungle, forest, desert – and focus on it. Breathe it into your womb until your womb becomes one with the earth.Let the earth spread throughout your body until your body dissolves and you are the earth. Stay with that experience until you are ready to return.Gradually let the earth recede from your body until the earth is only in your womb, then release the earth completely. Take a deep breath and open your eyes.Welcome back to your human form.
