I feel sort of like I'm running through mud these past few days - not sure where I'm going, but just know that I want to get out! But it's not like it's been in the past, where it's been all about struggle and feeling down - I've got this itch that I can't scratch, this feeling of discontent. I heard that whenever Tony Robbins feels that itch, that discontent, he gets excited because he knows that change is coming and with change comes breakthrough. I'm trying to change my lenses and be excited for the journey, excited for the transformation, instead of focusing on the discomfort of not knowing.
The discomfort caused me to get my paints out - which was a good thing. I went in to lay down because my body felt sluggish, but my mind was all over the place. I had this intense vision of being in my grandparent's backyard - looking onto the porch, swinging on the hammock, feeling the breeze on my face. I felt like I wanted to recreate that vision - to be on that hammock, to feel that breeze, to be carefree. I put paintbrush to paper, I drew a line and immediately got cranky because I knew that what was in my head would not be accurately represented on the paper. So I titled the work "The afternoon of my discontent" and it turned out pretty interesting. I suppose if you just let the paintbrush go it will create what needs to be created and our thoughts and visions of how it should look are just roadblocks that get in the way. For if it is already perfect in my head to begin with - what's the use of trying to create it all over again? I'll always have the memory.
So here's to the discomfort - may it always be like the Emperor Moth whose discomfort and struggle brings forth beautiful wings. I will await change excitedly...(or try to at least!)
I would like to dedicate today in honor of my parents who are celebrating 37 years of marriage today!
Love and blessings,
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3 days ago