Monday, July 7, 2008


Dearest Goddesses,

I was just sitting staring at a blank screen thinking of what I wanted tos ay when I picked up a journal I keep the quotes I like and opened it randomly to see what might jump out at me to get my thoughts jumping.

“I am no longer afraid of storms, for I am learning to sail my own ship.”

- Louisa May Alcott

This is definitely something I am relating to these days and trying to take action around it, instead of playing the tired victim or martyr role. This morning was a perfect example. I like my relaxed morning routine. John and I wake up, go walk the dogs, make cappuccinos, make breakfast and start the day. This morning we woke up late and he had a conference call that he needed to prepare for. I immediately went into crank mode (“why didn’t you prepare last night, wah, wah, wah…”) and then I shifted. I decided that I’d have all of the things that I wanted this morning despite the lack of John time (it’s hard to get his attention when the computer is in front of him!). So – I walked the dogs, found a new health store that just opened up around the corner from us, made coffee, made pancakes (they weren’t as good as Johns, but…) and by the time breakfast was on the table, John was done with his call and suggesting that we get out of the house at lunch today to go to the park to have a picnic lunch and review some goals.

While this is a very simple example of sailing my own ship – it’s the little moments that can sometimes be the most significant. And since one of my main challenges is waiting (for others to…do it for me, do it with me, give me permission, give me approval, tell me how great I am, take care of me) the little steps are important. The more I wait, the more the rest of the world is sailing my ship.

Take one step today toward sailing your own ship and tell me what came out of it!!

Love to you,

P.S. I have started an online version of WE: Women Empowered Through Creativity and Reflection and I am just loving it. If any of you are interested in participating, please let me know and I will send you all of the logistical information.


Rowena said...

I know what you are saying. Lately, I've been saying to myself "this is MY dog and pony show."

Don't know why that metaphor, but for a while, I've been deferring to S in all sorts of decisions, or at least wanting to come to a consensus.

But something's changed. See the thing is, I'M the one with the ambitions and goals and plans, and he's the one who kind of just likes to ride along on life's flow. So doesn't it make sense that I am the one driving? Or sailing the boat, to use your metaphor.

Hey, it works for me, and I have a feeling it will work fine for S, too.

Sugar said...

My husband and I have been communicating about this quite a bit lately. We are happily separated right now. I started telling him what I've enjoyed in our seven months living apart. Mostly, I'm living my life the way I lived it before we got married. Rather, sailing my own boat. For some reason, I thought I needed to become somebody different once we married. Jumping ship? I gave up a lot of my "stuff" simply because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. He never really asked me to. I just did. But then he got used to it. When I wanted "me" back, it got difficult.

So now we have to figure out how to sail together.

Patty Kennelly said...

I think this is soooo interesting. I sometimes find myself resenting John because I'm not living the life "I want to/should be living" and he's never really asked me to make the "sacrifices" that I feel like I've had to make or for not reading my mind and considering my needs.

I KNOW that he would be much happier if I made more decisions and lived more fully in what I would want to do and communicated clearer what I wanted.

Unfortunately, I feel like I need to push the pendulum in the opposite direction sometimes which is what throws him for a loop.

Sugar - I'm so glad to hear about the movement forward in your relationship - I wish you the best of luck.

smiles4u said...

More and more I am learning to sail my own ship. Through some really painful lessons I learned that only I can take control of my own life. Even though I have come so far, I still struggle with this today. It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in what others need or I think they need, me to "be" or "do" in the moment...I think in some ways this is my natural bent but maybe some or a lot has to do with my early training as a child.

One of the most significant times that I sailed my own ship so to speak is when I met my husband. This is significant for me because all my past relationships were of me passivly sitting by while things happened to me, accepting the victim role and definetly not being myself. Things were different with my husband because I had learned to be myself and take charge of my life and responsibility for what I wanted out of life...because of this we have an amazing relationship, that is based on me being me and him being him. I hope this makes sense?

I have not perfected the art of sailing my own ship by any means. I catch myself falling and I find that this happens more when I am not taking care of myself.

I am a doer, meaning I have a hard time sitting when something needs to be done, or asking for help when I need to because I get so caught up in just doing it my past I had to be to survive. Now, I am not just a survivor, I am life no longer requires that I constantly "do" for everyone. My husband does not have these expectations for me. So today, I was in a lot of pain and I didn't have to go to work until mid-afternoon so planned on getting cleaning done before work...instead of just doing it all by myself, I told my husband I needed his help(today is his day off)and he did a lot of the cleaning and he was happy to do it. And then I asked him to massage me to help with the pain. This is big for me. Instead of expecting him to read my mind that I needed help or just doing the work by myself and being a little pissed at him, I spoke up.

Sorry this is so long...great post and thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a great comment!