Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hunger Pangs

Dearest Goddesses,

I've always been a snacker and I really never discriminated (discrimination is not nice, you know!!). Salt, sweet... I went for it all. And the more that was in front of me, the more that I ate, regardless of hunger.

Well, I shared how I was off the caffeine and sugar and breads - well I've been doing the Adkins diet and really doing well. It just became clear to me one day that I was not a "once in awhile" indulger. If it was in the house - perhaps I could make it to a once every few hours indulger - but really, if it was in the house, it had a voice and it knew how to SCREAM my name!

So I gave it all up, cold turkey. After that initial physical withdrawal slump, I've had so much more energy, my nails have grown stronger, I'm losing weight and I'm not hungry. I find that I eat when I'm hungry, I drink when I'm thirsty and I'm eating healthy proteins and veggies and will begin to take on some grains in the next week or so. Physically I feel great.

I read Anthony Keidis's book Scar Tissue - he is the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Really great book. He's suffered with serious addiction most of his life and at one point he talked about being "dry drunk" where he was dry - he wasn't drinking or doing drugs, but he wasn't actively dealing with his addictions and it was kind of like walking a balance beam all the time. I can't help but feel that way around food! I'm not hungry, I'm not craving anything specific - but I MISS the snacking. I miss the munching, crunching sweetness of snacking!

I was in the grocery store the other day - and the grocery stores down here, while they really offer a lot of the things that you can find in the states - there is simply not the selection. So there are no Atkins bars to choose from, etc. or the low carb snack foods - which, I think is a blessing (otherwise, I'm sure I'd convince myself that I could eat just one!) But I walked up and down the aisles longingly - not really craving anything - but knowing I was craving something! And can probably assert that that something has very little to do with food. And for now - the complete limitation is helping me recognize this desire simply to feed.

Well tonight, we happened to look through the Atkins book and found a recipe for ice cream! MY FAVORITE!!! So we made it and while it is still not completely frozen, John and I talked about entering the danger zone. Can we limit ourselves to the 1/2 cup serving? I suppose this is our big test...

What are you hungry for?

Love to you,
Patty

2 comments:

Rowena said...

oh corn woman, nourish the body, nourish the soul. Why isn't corn woman over here somewhere? Your nemesis?

Me, I am an indulger, but I also learned how to stop (usually before I feel sick) after I kicked my binging (no purging, just binging) habit after college. Plus becoming a vegetarian helped me listen to my body signals.

I also have a problem eating when I am stressed or too hot, which, while it keeps me from gaining weight, is it's own issue.

smiles4u said...

I think you really hit on some truth here about the food addiction and that it is simular to other addictions. I have never struggled with food addiction but am a recovering drug addict. I have known my share of dry drunks...they aren't drinking or using drugs but keep the same behaviors...they are more miserable then someone actively using. It can be so easy to slip back into old behaviors that set us up to fall. I think the fact that you are so focused on what is going on on the inside of you is awesome. So many people give up the thing they are addicted to but do nothing about the deeper issues.

Your doing an awesome job on this journey of yours. Thank you for sharing what your learning along the way!