Friday, September 12, 2008

Emerging...

Dearest Goddesses,

I am emerging after a most challenging few weeks. Nothing like transition and change to throw you off your center.

One of my last posts was pondering the end of the life of my precious dog Wilma. Thank you all for your kind words of support and love. I have some follow up posts that I want to share, but will leave today for an update and a pondering of the idea of change and transition. I spent a last lovely week with Wilma after that post and let her go on the 23rd of August. It was a terribly hard day and the hardest decision and I couldn't help but feel in some way that I had failed her. I went to bed that night and asked her to visit me in my dreams and let me know she was okay and that I had made the right decision. And while I don't remember any dreams specifically, I woke up completely at peace and when I think about her, I don't think about the "loss" of her, but of her contribution to my life. I don't shed any more tears, but simply smile at her memory. There is nothing better than a dog to teach you the valuable lessons of unconditional love. I miss her.

The day after we let Wilma go, I walked out of a restaurant into a rainy Costa Rican afternoon wearing flip flops and fell down hard breaking a bone in my wrist of my right hand. Needless to say, writing and typing have been quite a challenge, but it is all getting better. I have dreams every night about the cast being off and my arm being all shriveled and gross!!

And that was just the beginning of our transition! After spending 3 years in Costa Rica, we thought it might be time to try something new. We were lucky to have met some guardian angels who have provided exciting opportunities in Houston, TX. While we are still committed to seeing our Costa Rican projects develop, I was desperate for a change and to be back in the states. Besides, none of you were visiting me anyway...Tomorrow marks our week anniversary in Houston and this guy named Ike is planning this enormous welcoming party for us. Ike, it really wasn't necessary!!

It's actually quite scary and of course the non-stop news coverage doesn't help the feeling of anxiety. Currently I am hunkered down in Southwest Louisiana at the hotel that John is doing some marketing for. We are completely booked with the electrical company, so hopefully if the electricity goes off, we'll be the first back online!

So while with this update I can say, "see, there were a lot of reasons why I've been out of touch" the truth is, the idea of "not knowing" terrifies me, and I could't bring myself to write a single word. I find this terror interesting. I know that if my life were written out completely, with no potential for surprises I would be miserable. But when I turn the page in the book of my life and there is a situation that is out of my control, I freak. My goal is to stay centered - not just as a task master and a list checker but as a spiritual being. Connected not only to my discomfort and my terror, but also to the beauty and to ultimately trust that if you just trust and surrender to the universe you will be taken care of in the long run. (Not that it will look the way you want necessarily, but you are taken care of...) AND I am reminded of this quote:

'When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step into the darkness, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen...There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.'

Love to you,

Patty

3 comments:

Rowena said...

Glad to have you back, little butterfly.

That dream is interesting. I see it as a metaphor for your Costa Rica adventure. The break, the constraints, the isolation. Don't be afraid that you will be shriveled. You won't. You will be stronger than every and ready to fly.

Yes, it's a cocoon metaphor, too. You started with your emerging claim.

I would love to see some art from this experience. ;)

Lauren said...

Best of luck in your new adventures!! And goodbye to Wilma, she's a wonderful soul.

Sugar said...

Wow... you have had a lot going on! I remember that you had once posted about being lonely in Costa Rica. I hope you find your tribe in Houston during this time of everyone coming together for the good of the entire community.